I don’t know whether there are people who watch the Oscars because they legitimately enjoy the pageantry, but those people are not us. We recognize both that the ceremony is history of a certain kind, and also that it’s bloated and self-congratulatory and usually pretty dull. Luckily, drinking makes everything fun, especially operating heavy machinery. Remember, friends don’t let friends watch the Academy Awards sober.
First things first, I realize that last year I went a little too aggressive with this. Between the waterfall for Seth MacFarlane’s musical numbers (three in the first ten minutes, if I remember correctly, which I probably do not) and the George Clooney lightning round, it made for a very messy night indeed. We tried to keep it lighter this year. After all, we’re all a year old and a year classier, so what we really need is a nice, classy drinking game to play while we yell at each other to shh so we can hear McConaughey.
For the record, we define “one drink” as one gulp of your drink (assuming you’re drinking beer or wine), or one finger’s worth of your drink, but feel free to alter it to fit your drink of choice and tolerance.
- Singing was Seth MacFarlane’s thing, dancing is Ellen’s. Drink for every Ellen dance bit.
- Drink for every joke about the partying in Wolf of Wall Street (made by Ellen or otherwise)
- Mention of last year’s host, Seth MacFarlane? Waterfall. (Person who calls it first starts, you keep drinking until the person to your left stops).
- Jokes about Benedict Cumberbatch are going to be the thing this year, we can feel it. Drink for every Cumberbatch reference.
THE “MARTY” RULE
- Drink every time someone calls Martin Scorsese “Marty.” Feel free to apply it to other forced familiarities as you see fit – “Jimmy” Gandolfini, “Leo” DiCaprio, Billy H. Macy, Dirty D Day-Lewis, etc.
- Mention of Philip Seymour Hoffman, drink.
- Mention of Harold Ramis, drink.
- Mention of Nelson Mandela, chug your drink.
- Have a good cry as you see fit.
THE IN MEMORIAM MONTAGE
- One drink for everyone who wasn’t an actor or director.
- If someone in Godless Hollywood thanks God, chug your drink.
- Waterfall if the winner cries.
- If Cate Blanchett wins and cries, shoot heroin and punch a cop.
- Drink if someone references “Alright alright alright.”
- If the person who says it is Matthew McConaughey himself, everyone take your shirt off, then chug.
- Drink if Pink makes an entrance by riding on or being lowered in something.
- If Bette Midler or Ellen makes ironic/parodical reference to Pink’s entrance, chug your drink.
SPECIAL: THE JENNIFER LAWRENCE LIGHTNING ROUND, AKA THE J-LAW LI-RO
- In the past, we’ve done the George Clooney lightning round. The camera loves Clooney a little too much to do that again, so this time we’re using Jennifer Lawrence. A Jennifer Lawrence reaction shot, initiates the J-Law Li-Ro, during which every drink doubles. (Ie, two drinks for a Cumberbatch reference, etc.)
- The J-Law Li-Ro lasts until the next Jennifer Lawrence reaction shot or the commercial break.
- If McConaughey says “Alright alright alright” during a J-Law Li-Ro, the pants come off as well. Make sure to wear your nice underwear!
And if you’re having trouble keeping up or keeping score, be sure to stop by the FilmDrunk live thread. Enjoy!
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