December 2013: Bieber announces his “retirement,” which he quickly recanted. Of course it was too good to be true.
January 2014: This is when things REALLY started going into Bieber-hyperdrive, when the tiniest pop turd came up with the brilliant plan of egging his neighbor’s house.
January 2014: Aww, baby’s first DUI.
February 2014: Justin got THUPER THERIOUS about his burgeoning hip-hop career, so much so that he decides to move to Atlanta and change his name to “Bizzle.”
February 2014: Justin Bieber ceases to give a solitary sh*t; moves into a UFO mansion and flies in a Vegas Hooters waitress to spend the weekend with him.
So, yeah. What the f*ck did YOU do at nineteen? I can only imagine what delights Bieber’s 20th year is going to bring us. Overdoses? Shootings? I have little doubt that there will be frequent and heavy police involvement. Personally, I know I will be toasting him in anticipation.