They only play once every Thursday, Sunday or Monday, but the story lines created before, during and after games are more than enough to keep the NFL on America’s consciousness throughout the week.
Suh’s Record Breaking Fine
Ndamukong Suh should be one of the most feared defensive players in the league for his talent and ability to alter the course of a game. Instead, he’s one of the most feared players in the league for all the wrong reasons. The former Nebraska Cornhusker is the unlucky recipient of the NFL’s steepest fine in history. Suh has already appealed his $100,000 slap from the league for an intentional (and illegal) low block on the Vikings John Sullivan following a turnover on Sunday.
The penalty is steep, indeed, but it’s also not as if Suh’s history with these sorts of plays is squeaky clean either. To his credit, Suh said he and Sullivan spoke about the play at halftime, making amends. He also apologized to his team. At what point, however, are apologies not enough and when does a teammate get in Ndamukong’s face demanding him to cut the dickhead antics? Granted, that’s a lot to ask, but whenever the thought “this guy needs to take a page out of Demarcus Cousins’ book and harness his anger” arises, that’s when we know we’re at a breaking point.
Von Miller Just Can’t Seem To Get Right
Unless his father could not drive for health or disability reasons, why Von Miller was behind the wheel of a car with a suspended license is “C’mon Man!”-worthy. The Broncos linebacker was cited last week and released into the custody of his pops who was riding shotgun with him.
For anyone keeping score at home, Miller’s 2013 has included a six-game suspension from the NFL for violating the drug policy, appearing on the witness list in a murder trial as an acquaintance of a friend to the defendant, missed a court appearance for a traffic violation and now this. Of course, all these infractions will be placed on the back burner (and forgotten altogether by some) if he returns as the same impact player he was before shit hit the fan.
Until then, John Elway may need to look and see if there’s anything on the budget for a chauffeur.
Colin Kaepernick & Russell Wilson’s “Eyebrow Bet” Isn’t Real, But Kinda Is
As two of the main faces behind Madden 25, Kaep and RW3 seem to be the only two players on their respective squads who openly like the other. Pete Carroll and Jim Harbaugh won’t be sending each other Christmas cards. Richard Sherman and Michael Crabtree neither (which he’ll like shift to Anquan Boldin with Crabtree being injured). And the two fan bases are just that, two completely different fan bases who aren’t too fond of the other. That’s why Sunday night’s primetime game is so anticipated.
Seen in the video above, the two young quarterbacks made a simple bet – loser shaves one eyebrow off. “Not so fast, my friend!” (c) Lee Corso. Wilson says the bet “isn’t real serious.” In fact, in his own words, they’ll “probably do something digitally.”
Wilson’s good in my book, but that’s weak. One, it’s not as if the brow won’t grow back. Two, you play one game a week. Three, the one time you are on TV, you’re wearing a helmet. Most people will never notice in the first place unlike, say, if was Anthony Davis. And four, there was already a recorded handshake and under Man Law Rule 41.9856, “Any men who shake hands during a competitive wager are acknowledging the bet is now set in stone and can only be cancelled via the consent of both parties.”
Don’t be that guy to violate guy code. Go through with the bet, Russ.
Larry Fitzgerald Hearts Tyrann Mathieu
Despite blowing a lead late to the Rams, Larry Fitzgerald’s got more to look forward to this season than at any point in the post-Kurt Warner era. He’s got a quarterback in Carson Palmer who resembles Joe Montana in comparison to the other mounds of manure he’s dealt with. And he absolutely loves rookie Tyrann Mathieu.
In an interview with ProFootballTalk, the All-Pro wideout said of Honey Badger, “I absolutely love the kid. I love him. I mean he works his tail off every single day in practice, he comes to work, he studies plays so hard. He’s a tremendous kid in our locker room too. I mean he’s on time, he’s punctual, taking notes in meetings, just everything that you would expect out of a player of his caliber. Him and Patick Peterson together it’s just really exciting. I’m so happy he’s on our team.”
Mathieu’s a rookie, so he probably still has to carry Fitz’s bags to and from the hotel during away games. Earning the unadulterated respect of your team’s best player this early in the season speaks volumes. That much cannot be understated. Making hustle plays to prevent touchdowns isn’t a bad method to win over respect of your peers either.
Seeing Mathieu realize the magnitude of the opportunity in front of him and not become yet another cautionary tale (i.e. Maurice Clarett) is nothing short of a blessing. Here’s to him continue moving in a positive direction.
Chip Kelly Says Eagles Speed Offense Was “Slow”
Eagle, what? Chip Kelly was pleased his coaching career started off on the good foot with a 33-27 Monday night victory over Washington, but his “speed offense” is too slow for his liking.
“I felt like it was slow, to be honest with you. I am not joking. We need to do a better job. We left the ball on the ground too much. We didn’t get the ball to the officials,” said Chip. “We could have sped things up from a process in between plays. That’s something we need to work on.”
To be fair, as the game moved along, the offense did become “slower” for Philly. That’s because perhaps the Eagles themselves were a tad winded from actually running the style for an entire game for the first time and Washington making adjustments on the fly (like getting pressure on Vick). But this is also the same offense than ran 50 playing before halftime, the most since that entertaining-as-hell Vikings team pulled off 56 in 1998.
It’s safe to say that record’ll be broken within the coming weeks. I’ll give it until Week 8. Book it.
Rob Ryan Is The Alcoholic Robin Hoon
At least for right now, the people of New Orleans love Rob Ryan. And Rob Ryan loves the people of New Orleans with all his heart. So much so in fact he’s willing to pick up all of their bar tabs. Check out this awesome story following Sunday’s season opening victory against division rival Atlanta.
“He put down 100 bucks and was like buy everybody a round and keep the change,” Matherne said.
Anyone who has seen the sun come up outside of Mrs. Mae’s knows $100 can buy a lot.
“In here, that’s like a fortune,” said Matherne.
To add a dose of perspective, the bar was Ms. Mae’s and is apparently a local staple in N’awlins. There’s a reason bartender Jason Matherne said $100 is comparable to a fortune, too. According to our own 504 correspondent, David D., drinks are as cheap as 25 CENTS! Yes, America, there is a watering hole in our country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty and dirt cheap libations as to where getting shitfaced for less than anything on the Dollar Menu at McDonalds is possible.