4. The strong, silent type is overrated. “He shares his heart with me, his struggles, his fears and his dreams,” Michelle tells TODAY Moms. “Many men would not do that, but God’s word says that before honor comes humility. When he learns to humble himself before God and me, it builds him up so much in my eyes.”
Translation: Jim Bob totally cries whenever that Google Chrome commercial comes on.
5. Perfectionism kills romance. While many of us are trained to be detail-oriented and strive for perfection at work, Jim Bob says bringing that attitude home can be a relationship-killer. Withholding praise makes your loved ones lose that loving feeling. “Expectations ruin relationships,” Jim Bob warns.
What this says to me is that Jim Bob probably never helps Michelle out with the dishes. Bastard.
6. Make time for date night. Michelle and Jim Bob go out, just the two of them, every Saturday night. Sure, they often end up talking about the kids, but it’s still an important time for them to reconnect. They usually go to Michelle’s favorite ice cream shop. “It’s a really special time,” Jim Bob says.
OK seriously? Going to a frigging ice cream shop constitutes a “really special time?” Clearly those of us who came to this article looking for buttplugs and S&M tips are going to be severely disappointed.
7. Never stop learning. After 30 years of marriage and 19 kids, Jim Bob and Michelle are still interested in discovering others’ advice for a happy partnership. They recently met an Amish couple who’d celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and asked them their secret. Their answer? The phrases, “I was wrong” and “Will you forgive me?”
Who the hell asks Amish people for marriage secrets? These are people that don’t believe in deodorant or internet porn, and are not to be trusted at all whatsoever. Also, how are you supposed to get the upper hand in a marriage by admitting you’re wrong all the time? Worst advice ever. Admitting you’re wrong is a show of weakness, and — much like in war — in marriage you can never let your guard down.
So anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day! Just make sure you use protection, because: