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Good News, Aspiring Sexual Deviants: Georgia Courts Rule That Unsolicited Dick Pics Are A-OK!

By 02.25.14
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A Georgia man, Charles Lee Warren, who faced up to three years in prison for texting photos of his dong to an unnamed woman in October 2012, is getting off (not like that, you perverts) due to the most INSANE loophole based on a law from 1970 — before computers, cell phones or text messaging were invented.

Georgia’s obscenity laws state that it’s a felony to send unsolicited sexual materials unless the “envelope or container” in which the materials are sent come with a warning in “at least eight-point boldface type.” So, uhhhhh, because text messages don’t come in an envelope or container they’re a totally kosher form of sexual harassment? I’m giving myself a headache trying to wrap my brain around this so I’m just going to let BBC News take over:

On Monday, the court said the case was not being dismissed merely because electronic text messaging did not exist in 1970 when the law was passed.

“The specific prohibition is clearly aimed at tangible material that is delivered in a tangible manner… and because appellant did not send anything through the mail, he did not violate this prohibition,” reads the opinion, which overturned a lower court’s decision.

“This conclusion is reinforced by the fact that the imprinted notice on the envelope or container must be in ‘eight-point boldface type’ and must say that the ‘container’ should be ‘returned’ to the sender if the addressee does not want to ‘open’ it.”

According to prosecutors, Mr Warren’s penis was tattooed with the phrase, “STRONG E nuf 4 A MAN BUT Made 4 A WOMAN”, Reuters reported.

First of all, that’s a lot of words to tattoo on a penis. Mr. Warren must be very pleasantly endowed. But more importantly, WHAT POINT SIZE IS THE FONT ON HIS DICK?? Did the lawyers even bring that up? Was it even admissible in court? Am I the only sane person here? You’re welcome, Georgia prosecutors — I just handed you your appeal argument. You may drop my Harry & David gift basket in the mail as you please.

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