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A Pennsylvania Couple Died From Carbon Monoxide Poisoning After Boinking In A Parked Car

By / 02.03.14

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Anytime someone tries to convince you that winter “isn’t all that bad!” because of skiing or skating or snow angels or snowflakes on puppies’ noses, just tell them to shut up. The winter sucks, as one couple in Pennsylvania found out:

Making love in a car with the engine running in an enclosed garage proved fatal for a man and woman in Lycoming County.

Keith Payton, 40, of Allenwood and Williamsport, and Salina Johnson, 40 of Williamsport, were discovered about 9:30 p.m. Friday in a garage along Bloomingrove Road north of Williamsport.

Is that what “auto”-erotic asphyxiation means? Man, that’s gotta be a bad way to go. One minute you’re in the lush beauty that is Williamsport, Pennyslvania, — home of the Little League World Series — the next you’re dead in a parking lot.

But police are quick to point out that it could be…dum dum dum…DRUGS:

Old Lycoming Township police speculated the two were having a sexual relationship when they were overcome because Johnson was partially clad. Marijuana and drug paraphernalia were found in the car, they said.

I don’t really think a half empty packet of zig zags is fatal, but what do I know, I just play a doctor on TV.

Apparently it wasn’t a quick endeavor:

The car’ s ignition switch was on but the vehicle had run out of gasoline, they said. A kerosene heater also was on but it, too, had run out of fuel, they said. High levels of carbon monoxide were detected in the garage, police said.

While this does nothing to change my perception of Winter on the East Coast, where life becomes a blur of layers and fleece and you need several heating methods just to melt those snowballs, it does change my perception of 40 year olds in Pennsylvania. If you’re making sweet sweet love until you run out of two forms of gasoline, just go inside already. I mean Shark Tank starts in 10 minutes, we don’t have all night.

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