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Hey Everybody, Your Favorite Swiss Cheese Pervert Is Back!

By / 03.04.14

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Philly’s infamous Swiss Cheese Pervert is back in the headlines after a fourth victim has come forward with a cheese-related complaint. Chris Pagano was arrested back in January after a weeks-long manhunt which eventually ended partly in thanks to the “detective work” of a Philadelphia Magazine reporter. Is it wrong that I may have just randomly gotten a craving for cheese? If I see the word “cheese,” even if it’s in the context of “pervert” it still makes me want to eat cheese. Anyway. From Philly.com:

Already charged with three counts each of stalking, indecent exposure, harassment and open lewdness for his previous three victims, Pagano was recently charged with all those counts again for the fourth victim, said the District Attorney’s Office. In total, Pagano is facing 20 counts, said Tasha Jamerson, spokeswoman for the District Attorney’s Office.

Prosecutors did not release the details of the fourth incident, except to say Pagano’s “harassment included using processed cheese when he approached the victims.” Jamerson said the latest incident happened in January. That means Pagano either had to do it in the 10 days before his fetish hit the news, or he continued to conduct these lewd acts against women during the week-long manhunt for his arrest.

Does anyone else kind of feel bad for this guy? Any other run-of-the-mill, garden variety pervert gets to exist in relative obscurity, but because this guy likes to wrap cheese around his dick all of a sudden he’s national news. I guess that’s just how it’s gonna be, until some freak gets caught with hummus or Fruit Roll-Ups. You know it’s only a matter of time.

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