Martha Stewart participated in a Reddit AMA this afternoon, which amazingly attracted a decent amount of attention — so I guess Martha Stewart is still a thing that people care about? At any rate, her answers were kind of amazing in how straight forward and no bullsh*t they were, so you really can’t hate the old girl too much. Here’s some choice nuggets I pulled out:
Martha Stewart will have sex with you — but she’ll need to be clean first, and the immediately cleanse herself of the male body:
Do you have any good sex tips?
Always take a bath before and after.
Do it DURING a bath. Kills two birds with one stone.
That’s good too, and don’t forget to brush your teeth.
Martha Stewart changes her bed sheets everyday. You know what, this is actually BALLER. I kind of want to be Martha Stewart when I grow up.
Is it true you change your bed sheets everyday?
Yes. It’s a luxury.
Martha would prefer not to think about the past:
Hi Martha, Did you have a prison nickname? If not what nickname would you have chosen for yourself.
I think I did, but I can’t remember.
I like to believe it was Cookie Puss
I don’t think about the past.
Best follow up comment from a Reddit user ever:
Hello Martha!!!! I am HUGE and long time fan!!! I have but one issue with you, and it’s a biggie in my book. Your croquembouche recipe is flawed!!! The recipe in your original Christmas book, as well as the current version on your website are the same. They say to first “melt” the butter into the water. Reading “melt” one would think to use a fairly low tempurature. If you do that, your puffs won’t puff! It’s just not thick enough to pipe! It is essential that you BOIL the butter into the water! Would you be willing to research this, and if you find that I am correct would you be willing to update the instructions?
This is how Martha Stewart tells people to f*ck off.
HORS DEVOURS, YOU PEASANT, NOT SNACKS:
What is your go-to recipe for a party snack?
I never serve snacks at parties. It’s either hors devours or a meal.
Hors devours are prepared foods one would serve with meals or wine. Snacks are something you get out of a bag or a box.
You’re going to ask Martha questions? Not so fast, because Martha is totally going to turn the table and ask YOU questions:
Hi Martha! Huge fan right here. You seem really tech savvy these days. What phone are you using, and do you have a favorite app?
I have always tried to stay ahead of the tech curve. I use the new Samsung notebook, I use the iPhone, and low and behold, I still have a new Blackberry. All I need now is one phone number for all of them.
Oh, by the way, a question of everyone: Do you really believe Ellen took that selfie with her Samsung? Seemed like a lot of people in one little picture from such a short distance!