(UPDATE: Thought Catalog are patting themselves on the back because apparently this work of satire was DOUBLE SATIRE. They apparently faked the entire thing, from the user profile to the articles written by a fabricated “meathead,” because attention? This sh*t just went from dumb to totally f*cking embarrassing. Nice job, ladies, for being an even bigger stereotype than your stereotype. *quits the female gender*)
A bodybuilding forum user who goes by AryanofValhalla (yikes) recently posted that he is responsible for the alter ego Anne Gus, which he is using to write fake feminist articles on the website Thought Catalog. I’m still not 100% sure what Thought Catalog is, but from what I can gather it’s basically “feminist Buzzfeed,” a social news site with user-generated content. The now-deleted post stated:
I was bored one evening a week ago and so I wrote a satire article from the perspective of a twenty something feminist woman and sent it in to Thought Catalog,
A few minutes ago I got an email saying they published the article
In his first article, titled 5 Things Women Need To Do In Their 20′s (Or Else The Suffragists Died For Nothing), he writes “As young women in 21st century, the world is truly our fragrant oyster.” Oh, COME ON.
Here are some other choice excerpts, just assume a giant [SIC] for all of this:
Me and my girlfriends have a mantra, “If he makes you tingle, let him eat you like a Pringle.” This is something to live by for all twenty something women. Sure, he’s not gonna buy you any nice gifts, send you cute texts that make you feel like the only girl in the world and you might burn your feet on the hot sand of many exoduses of shame, but lord is he hot.
I am fairly certain that no 20-something women or women of any age have ever said that.
Anyone who doesn’t let loose and party in their twenties is probably not worthing even talking to. Like. Ever.
Try whatever you can get your hands on. I hate to use the expression, cuz it makes me seem like I’m not that special, but you only live once, afterall. Go to concerts and get backstage afterwards with the cute long haired members of that band you like. Take those cute little yellow and pink pills they give you and hoover that table clean of white powder, then have some fun with their instruments, (both kinds). Sure, drugs can be dangerous, but only if you get addicted and that’s unlikely to happen–we’re strong independent women, it shouldn’t be so hard to not be dependent on drugs.
His second article published yesterday is called Sorry Dudes: Here’s 5 Reasons That Girl You Like Doesn’t Want Anything To Do With You. Not sure how one of the bullet points isn’t “you write really bad fake articles to try to punk feminist sites,” but what do I know.
I just wanna have fun. Make my life fun. Be that guy who calls me a bitch and a slut in that playful way. Pin me down on the kitchen table, manhandle me, slap me and give me the good news all night. Don’t ask for permission to kiss me, just do it. (Unless you’re Lack o’ Jaw Jack, then just leave, now.) Get yourself into car chase just for fun, shoplift just for fun, get into fights, do hard drugs and just do reckless stuff, and lots of strong, ferocious women will flock to you.
Is anyone else starting to think that this dude’s biggest crime is writing extremely poor “satire”? I have a bad feeling we’re going to see this whole thing playing out on a future episode of Law & Order: SVU.