Gather round, kids, because Justin Bieber’s taped deposition has been released — stemming from an incident last year in which his body guard allegedly beat up a photographer — and it is GLORIOUS. It’s not often we get to see “Candid Bieber,” and Candid Bieber is the best Bieber if you’re a fan of insolence and try-hard swagger. While I don’t give TMZ much credit for anything, they’ve helpfully broken it down into four clips for our viewing enjoyment. Won’t you join me on this beautiful journey?
JUSTIN BIEBER DOESN’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY. My god, the eyebrows? The collar fixing? The winking at the camera? This is everything. Also when Justin tries to be smug by asking what a film is, it really just comes off that he doesn’t understand what a film is. Bieber fail.
If you want to get on Justin Bieber’s bad side, a good rule of thumb is to just ask him about his former love, Selena Gomez. Swaggy Tot tries so hard to come off like he’s asserting himself and losing his temper but I can practically see his lip trembling from here.
In the third installment, we’re really just blowing through nap time.
When asked a question about whether or not Usher discovered him, Biebs states — on record, while videotaped — that he was “discovered on YouTube and thinks that he is detrimental to his own career.” I love how you can actually pinpoint the moment when the light bulb goes off in his little Bieber skull and he realizes what dumb-dumb nonsense just came spilling out of his mouth. Shut it down, internet, I think we’re done for today.
To be fair, this paparazzi’s lawyer is also a complete and utter sh*tstain, and there’s probably a point to be made about how paparazzi get what’s coming to them when they push and harass celebrities — but unfortunately that stands out about as well at a firefly next to the LED strobe lights of Bieber’s doucheyness. The “lesser of two douches,” if you will.