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The Greatest Porn Editor Of Our Generation Did A Reddit AMA, And His Answers Did Not Disappoint

By / 03.26.14
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Last week we alerted you to the most depressing ending to a porn film ever. The screencap took the internet by storm, temporarily debilitating genitals across the globe. In case you missed it:


Yeah. It’s not exactly uplifting. The editor who came up with it is an evil genius. And today, that man stepped forward (while still remaining anonymous) and took a victory lap in the form of a Reddit AMA. He answered questions about how he came up with the ending, what it’s like to edit porn, the potential career ramifications of working in the industry, and more.

Here are the highlights:

why did you put that at the end of a scene ?

I needed an ending, and it was the first thing that came to mind. I knew it wasn’t really a turn-on, but… who finishes a porno, honestly? It took two years for anyone to even take notice.

Do you ever secretly insert frames from Disney movies into the porn?

hahaha I wish. We’d get sued up the ass.

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Favourite pornstar?

I don’t have one favorite… there are too many babes to choose from! I did like April O’Neil but she’s back in school or something. Most recently, I’ve had a thing for Raven Rockette… she did a free camshow for us and, usually I’m bored to tears when girls are masturbating, but she was a blast.

Titties or ass?

Titties, all the way.

kimk

Maybe you could pitch a sequel and have brooks “kid” be the star, set in the future.. a sexy future.

We’ve actually joked about doing something like this. Any aspiring writers care to expand upon this idea?

The kid, in searching for his real dad, visits all of the women his dad was with asking them for info on his whereabouts. Obviously he has to fuck the information out of them. [...] Is it considered incest if the kid has sex with his adoptive mother?

We do “bang my stepmom” scenes, so… possibly not, from a legal standpoint

Good-to-know-gif-klaus-22082675-500-250

What is the weirdest (or kinkiest I guess) scene that you’ve had to edit?

This “strange addiction” parody [editor's note: link is NSFW and it goes to a video called "My Strange Assdiction"] where the chick kept sticking things in her ass. It was… weird. It still is. We didn’t come up with the plot for this one. The producer sent us that on his own accord.

Do you ever get really turned on by your job or are you immune?

Honestly, mostly immune. Mostly.
I take meds (don’t tell anyone) for anxiety and they get in the way of arousal. It sucks for my personal life, but makes editing porn a lot less uncomfortable!

colbertballoons

How’s the pay?

Because my boss is probably reading this: “AMAZING”

Realistically, it pays the bills. I’m no millionaire though, not by a long shot.

Do you purposely make the girls moans earsplittingly louder? [...]

Bahaha, no.

If anything, I try to make everything louder. I apply dynamics compression so the quieter stuff like dialogue is louder, but the loudest stuff stays where it’s at. That way, you can turn the volume way down and still hear everything. That’s my goal, anyway.

loud-noises

Is it true that once you’re working in the porn industry, you’re pretty much blacklisted from any other entertainment industry?

Potentially, but only if people find out. Because I’m behind the scenes, I doubt I’d have this problem.

Sylvester Stallone, Cameron Diaz, Jackie Chan (sort of), and a bunch of the girls from Game of Thrones like Tyrion’s girlfriend “Shae” started in porn, and they have careers.

Others, like teachers or beauty pageant contestants get fucked over if their secret gets leaked.

What did she name the boy and where is he now?

Luigi, and nobody really seems to care where he is.

2576964-sad_luigi

What aspect/s of porn do you consistently edit out?

Girls still do porn during that time of the month, and sometimes the makeup sponges they shove way down in there don’t cut it, so I have to splice out blood.

Recently, a girl shit herself on camera, and I had the pleasure of watching that leafy green turd roll onto her fingers… and then she licked her fingers. I don’t think she even realized she shat herself.

DON-DRAPER-PUKES

how long does it take to edit a porn scene ?

Depends on the scene, and the person who shot the scene. This one producer never really talks, so I can edit the scene at almost 2x. Sure, it sounds like chipmunks having sex, but I can get it finished faster.

The ones with more complex intros, or directors who are more particular about how the talent positions themselves and make lots of notes take longer.
The ones that take the longest are the parodies, because I have to spend a lot of time coming up with special effects or title sequences.

So somewhere between an hour, and a few days.

Favorite scene you’ve edited?

There’s a James Bond parody that isn’t online yet. It turned out really well! It’s always fun to edit something that isn’t just sex. Some days, the old in-out in-out can get boring after a while.

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Do you watch porn, or has being in the business ruined it for you?

I was never much of a porn watcher. Nobody will believe this, but it’s true. So no, it hasn’t ruined anything.

That being said, I don’t think I could get-off to anything I’ve had a hand in editing. I’d be too distracted, knowing what went on behind the scenes and between cuts.

Just recently my friend and I were appalled to find out there is no “Dogma” porn parody. Can you please rectify this? I would like to see a Salma Hayek pornalike in the pigtail stripper scene and with the high ponytail. Thanks Porn editing guy!

Noted! No promises, but your voice has been heard. If it happens, I’ll be sending you a DM.

Hayek__Dogma__001

Any downside of you job ???

Being anonymous. Legally, I can’t gloat to all of my friends that something I edited made it to the front page of news websites like Huffington Post. I’m not allowed to talk about my job. That’s the only major downside.

Also, I couldn’t really put “edits porn” in a resume. So, five years of “something” that I can’t really talk about with any future employers.

Most unusual shoot? Location or content.

One time we got a relatively normal scene back that had a “screwnicorn” ending. Two incredibly hot girls (Hayden Winters and Justine Joli) with dildos strapped to their heads.

Half bear and half Unicorn-dog. Seriously Im pink_b737b0_4450701

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