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Read The Most Epic Scathing Craiglist Missed Connection Directed To A Hipster Douchebag Bully

By / 03.19.14
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Yesterday evening a Boston commuter was witness to a young man approach a woman completely unprovoked at the Stony Brook T Station, causing her to break down in sobs while the unidentified┬ádouchebag darted off the train. The woman who witnessed the whole thing happen was so enraged that she penned the most epic Craiglist Missed Connection ever — so the least we can do is share this with the world in hopes that said douchebag gets his comeuppance, even if it’s in the most anonymous way possible.

Also, it’s just an overall cathartic and scathing read and employs some of my favorite curse words and euphemisms for sh*t — so here it is in its entirety:

You got up right before the Stony Brook stop and said something in a low voice to the woman next to you. You exited the train and she burst into tears. I asked her what you said—and in between sobs she goes, “he said ‘Have some respect for yourself and lose some weight'”.

Oh sh*t, you said that to a complete f*cking stranger, an innocent person trying to read a book on her ride home!!! Yeah dog, you sure did, and then you turned heel and walked off like the miserable coward you are.

You publicly humiliated another human and made her cry. How truly f*cking horrifying of you. She was totally stunned, and devastated. . .is that what you wanted to see happen? Are you that much of a nightmare that you are PLEASED by making people cry? Total strangers even? I don’t think I can fully express to you what an absolute skidmark you are, but here goes:

You: blond, slicked hair, hipsterish. You manage to be both tasteless and sanctimonious, and something tells me you brag about loving Bukowski even though you only made it 80 pages deep into Women. You definitely think you’re smarter than everyone, and you love reflective surfaces. You work in design/tech/oh wait, who cares, you don’t f*cking matter. You treat women like garbage, but don’t worry—we hate you. You have a stank on you, and a lot of us can smell it…truly a dookiestain made flesh. You don’t have an original thought under that stupid haircut. You are a straight up f*cking bully, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Bullies are the absolute worst.

The thing is, part of you knows this, and you’re upset that no one treats you like the special snowflake you believe yourself to be. So you say horrible things to strangers in public to make yourself feel better. Stop being such a f*cking bully and sh*tting on other humans just because your wounded-ego feels like taking a dump. No really, just f*cking stop.

Any of my fellow feminist vigilantes who might be reading this: keep an eye out for a white dude, around age 30, who looks like a wacker version of Macklemore, if that’s possible. Make sure you remind him of his insignificance.

And to the woman to whom this human diarrhea pile directed his steaming ego turd: keep your head up girl, it’s not even about you. I hope it didn’t ruin your day.

MISSED-CONNECTION

As the saying goes: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” And as I like to say, for those that need help fighting their battles, a little vigilante justice and making someone cry in the fetal position for hours with a scathing letter using every swear word known to mankind, is a completely justifiable reaction. Keep fighting the good fight, Craigslist lady.

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H/T Jezebel


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