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Lindsay Lohan’s Sobriety Isn’t Going So Great According To Last Night’s ‘Lindsay’

By 04.07.14
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(Note: The exact face Lindsay Lohan makes when being confronted with a lie.)

If these clips from Lindsay are any indication, the only way Lindsay Lohan could be managing her sobriety more poorly is if she started pointing and saying “look over there!” to her handlers while she quickly chugged from a bottle she keeps hidden in her bra.

On Sunday night’s episode, Lindsay becomes irate when her “life coach” AJ Johnson confronts her over accusations that she had been drinking; quickly deferring said accusations with some lies before stating that she “doesn’t feel comfortable discussing this on camera” — which is, you know, the entire freaking point of the series.

Lindsay’s really an amazing liar. In response to her life coach telling her that her own mother said that she had been drinking, she says: “That was someone who was living in the guilt of their own actions, projecting it on to me.” Like, what even just happened there? You just got Lindsay Lohan mindf*cked.

Later Lindsay admits to flubbing up on her sobriety and refuses to see the AJ, who then quits. I hope her new job as a lion tamer or sharpened axe juggler finds her less stress than her previous occupation.

Reflecting back on their time working together, Lohan says that her life coach was “a blessing in disguise.” I don’t think that phrase means what she thinks it means. A blessing in disguise is losing your car keys only to find out that traffic is stopped in both directions due to an overturned tractor-trailer that spilled 5,000 gallons of corn syrup all over the highway. A life coach is a “person who counsels and encourages clients on matters having to do with careers or personal challenges.” I’m pretty sure that’s just 100% just a blessing in its most literal sense.

Oh, Lindsay.

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