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Reddit Asks: Who Was Your School’s ‘Weird Person’ And What Did They Do?

By / 04.09.14

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Today’s Ask Reddit poses the question: “What did that ‘weird person’ at your school do?” in an attempt to suss out the Steve Urkels, Martha Dumptrucks and Screeches of the real world.

I always assumed that I was the “weird kid” of my school, since I was severely pigeon-toed, wore braces and thick glasses and was socially awkward in general until about 9th or 10th grade, at which point I quit the ugly ducking crap and rebelled through the latter half of high school and college. Compared to some of these freaks, though, I was about as normal as they come.

Here we go, let’s jump in. And please feel free to share your own weird kid stories in the comments below.

We had a “weird” kid, but he was mostly really awesome. He wore all green, every day. I saw his closet, it was like all the same plain green t shirt and green shorts, and then one green suit. It was like a cartoon sight gag. He had bright red hair, everybody said he was a leprechaun. Everytime he had to and wasn’t “forced to” (ie: PE clothes or whatever) he was in green, at dances he had a green tie.

Except on St. Patricks day. He wore all black.

Is anyone else picturing Seth Green? Because I’m picturing Seth Green.

We had a ‘serious problem’ in my secondary school with people eating their lunch in the girls’ bathroom stalls.

Initially it was just that they were littering, but the principal thought it was a ‘trend’ or social pressure or something, and took such personal offense to how unhygienic it was, that he made a rule against it, and undertook a whole campaign to stop it.

Turned out one of the more popular girls in school had a weird eating disorder, where she could only keep food down if she ate while she pooped.

And just like that, TLC is already furiously hard at work on their new docu-series, I Can Only Eat When I’m Pooping.

A kid with a glass eye who would take it out for $1 and walk up to ANYONE stick it to their shoulder and sweetly whisper “I’ve got my eye on you.” Needless to say we spent quite a few dollars on him.

My dad has a glass eye and I’ve heard stories that he used to take it out and put it in cocktails at parties. I’ve never seen him without it in, though, and I think at this point in life I would be traumatized.

There was a kid that sh*t his pants in class at my high school. He was kind of a bad kid, always in trouble, had a reputation with lots of teachers.

In this particular class the teacher wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom, assuming he was just trying to get out of class, well he begged and begged, telling her he was sick, but she didn’t buy it. She threatened to have him suspended if he walked out. It was summer, he was wearing shorts, it ran down his legs… Gasps of disgust and laughs of ridicule abound. He transferred schools.

Oh, dude. This poor kid. This is just so wrong. Teachers: Let your students go to the bathroom for the love of god.

On a brighter note, one not-too-strange kid was standing in the doorway of the bathroom. I was like, ‘Excuse me.’ He tilted his head sideways to face me and said, ‘Hang on.’ I tried to push past him and then I heard the tapping. It sounded like water dropping, but angrily.

I didn’t get too far before I realized he was pissing into the urinal from the doorway, about 6 feet away. It was the most skillful arching I’d ever seen. When he finished, I went into the bathroom and found 4 or 5 guys standing around there, cheering him on.

If there has ever been a better euphemism for “behind the scenes at Uproxx” then I don’t want to hear it.

We had a boy in 4th grade that was really, really into horses. I’ve heard people saying that every school has a girl obsessed with horses, but the only time I ever saw this it was a dude. He always brought a book bag full of horse dolls and would play with them at recess. Everyone thought he was weird but no one picked on him, thankfully.

Or as I like to call it, Bronies: Origin.

He wore a three-piece suit to school every day, without fail. He also claimed to be the actual creator of The Far Side, and that Gary Larson was just his pseudonym. Despite being visibly at least 25 years his junior. When asked to draw, say, a cow or something, he would scoff and say something in a language that he made up. He also once shaved half his head. The left half.

I can only hope and imagine that this kid grew up to be Skrillex.

She tried riding a chicken and killed it.

We were on a school trip to the countryside in middle school and there were some farm animals around, and I guess she just got it into her head that she could ride one of the chickens. She caught it, sat on it, and promptly squashed it. I suppose she panicked and tried to dispose of the body because all I remember is loads of people screaming and pointing up a tree, where the dead chicken was resting on a branch. She’d thrown it up there to hide the evidence but I guess someone had seen her do it and told everyone else.

I don’t even know what kind of punishment she got, I don’t think the teachers had ever had to discipline a kid for sitting on a chicken.

Hands down the most horrifying story so far. I don’t have much hope for whatever became of the girl who sat on a chicken to its death.

Wore a duct-tape tuxedo and stovepipe hat to prom, was denied entrance. Came back in a spaghetti-strap dress, was denied entrance. Finally got in with a leisure suit. During a dance-off he tore his leisure suit off, revealing the dress underneath, and danced real hard and dirty with a kid who was a little slow but famous around school for his dancing. After a minute of forcefully humping the kid into the fetal position he was arrested and then got kicked off the track team. So he staged a protest with some friends outside the school, which got on the news. The story the news channels somehow got was that he was denied entrance to prom for having a gay date (???). He ended up with an MTV episode, one of those True Life: I Am A Teenage whateverthef*ck.

The moral of this story seems to be: Just let the kid with the duct tape tuxedo into the prom in the first place.

some kids had a binder full of hair. like one of those 5 star zipper binders. they would go around asking everyone for hair, and by the end of the year this binder was full of it. they would pull it out of their own head, find it on the ground, pull it out of peoples heads whatever. on the last day of school on lunch break they “released” it into the wild. i have to admit, seeing a tumbleweed of hair blowing across the street was pretty funny.

I have a feeling this kid is alive and well and can probably be found thriving in some freaky subreddit somewhere.

Knew a guy in high school, who I’ll call Steve, who would pierce his body with safety pins and staplers during lunch purely for the shock factor. One day he told a few people that he was going to staple his scrotum to his leg during lunch. A bunch of guys gathered in the bathroom to watch it happen. When the time came Steve couldn’t bring himself to do it so he had his friend do the stapling. Steve held his scrotum against his leg and his buddy delicately place the stapler on top. After a three second countdown WHAM! The friend smacked the top of the stapler as hard as he could and the scrotum was stapled.

True story, a friend of mine is a sideshow performer based out of Los Angeles, and when her show came to Philadelphia last year we went to see her. During intermission, she went around to a crowd with a stapler and audience members were able to staple tips anywhere onto her body. We saw her a few days later and she still had dark purple bruises all over the place. I don’t have a scrotum but between these two stories I’m still cringing right now. Ow, ow, ow.

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