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A Man Dressed As An Elf Attacked A Car While On LSD Because He Thought It Was A Shapeshifting Demon

By / 05.22.14

We worry about THE STATE OF JOURNALISM too much these days. I think everything’s fine and dandy, because what’s there to complain about when something like “An Exclusive Interview With the Elf Who Dropped Acid and Jousted a Car” exists?

The headline sort of speaks for itself, but I’ll explain: on Tuesday morning, a woman in Portland, Oregeon, called the cops because she thought what she believed to be a pirate was attacking her car. She was wrong — it was a man, 30-year-old Konrad Bass, dressed as an elf. Not just any elf, though, but a High Elf “engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth,” a character from The Silmarillion and other J.R.R. Tolkien works. Bass was zoned out on “a potent cocktail of MDMA, Dimethyltryptamine, and acid,” and now admits he “wasn’t in my right mind. I was still rocking my new pair of elf ears.” Been there.

Here’s more:

By morning, McKane was channeling his Jaypar Prakkari character, fully immersed in a mission that could make sense only to a drug-addled LARPer. “I was here to save America,” he says. “In 10 days, Obama was going to be assassinated. Morgoth was chasing after me. I was chasing shadow dragons. It was crazy.”

The fun ended when McKane found himself face-to-face with a red BMW, which he admits he mistook for a shape-shifting demon. The driver, a northeast Portland woman, had stopped in the middle of the road and was blasting her horn. A fearless McKane sprung into action.

“I hopped on her hood and tried to pierce her tires with my master sword,” he says. “I was trying to prove a point. Don’t mess with a dark elf.” (Via)

Kids (and elves), do not drink and drive, or LARP and take drugs.

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Via Vocativ


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