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Man Arrested For Masturbating In A Toronto Public Library – While Holding A Cucumber?

By / 06.05.14
In Canada, even our perverts look mild mannered.

Toronto Police Service

In Canada, even our perverts look mild mannered.


Toronto finally has its answer to Philadelphia’s Swiss Cheese Pervert, only since it’s Canada and everyone is more polite and upstanding, Toronto’s pervert carries around a cucumber (healthier option) and frequents libraries. Cucumber Library Pervert? I’ll take it.

Police arrested Fredrick Tennyson Davis, 49, on May 31st at the Agincourt Library in Toronto for masturbating while holding a cucumber. He had previously been spotted at the same library on April 7th doing the same thing — again, with a cucumber — but fled before police arrived. He was charged with an indecent act and two counts of failing to comply with probation, because, oh yeah! He got busted doing the same exact thing back in June of 2012.

Nice police work, there, Toronto law enforcement. “The guy masturbating in the library holding the cucumber left before we got there, and all we have to go on is this guy on probation for doing THE EXACT SAME F*CKING THING TWO YEARS AGO.” I hope everyone enjoyed some celebratory Rob Roys and Grey Gooses after they finally apprehended the guy.

I think Constable David Hopkinson was maybe still enjoying his Grey Goose when he made the following statement to the Sun News:

When asked if Davis appeared threatening to the library staff or patrons, Hopkinson said he wasn’t sure if there was any threat.

“I don’t think he had any free hands to make any threat,” the officer said.

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Canada: We take perverts as seriously as — well, actually we don’t take them very seriously.

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