This is not a drill: Mariah Carey has unveiled a new non-alcoholic beverage naturally called Butterfly, which, I swear to god I am not making this up — no really, I checked like five times to make sure it didn’t originate on an Onion-style website — is described as a “melodic beverage inspired by the magic of Mariah Carey.” INSPIRED BY THE MAGIC OF MARIAH CAREY. That is the single most “Mariah Carey” thing I have ever heard in my life.
Mariah held a press conference last Tuesday to launch the beverage — but I mean, seriously, almost an entire week ago? How the hell am I just hearing about this now? AM I THE ONLY ONE WORKING? Anyway, via Entertainment Weekly, here are my new favorite back-to back sentences in the world:
Butterfly comes in a curvy pink bottle, and, based on Carey’s presentation on Tuesday, is meant to be enjoyed from a champagne flute. The beverage will be available at Walgreen drugstores nationwide.
I just hope that Walgreens also sells champagne flutes, because god forbid you’d have to drink your Butterfly out of some sh*t from Ikea, or worse, straight out of the bottle like a filthy garbage person.
But the burning question remains: How is this sweet melodic nectar of her goddess Mariah Carey considered to be “interactive?” Here’s your answer on that:
“This is a whole ‘nother thing,” said Carey. “We can do this, and I will almost be in the room with you.” How, exactly, does drinking Butterfly conjure up Carey, Beetlejuice-style? Well, after fans download the Go N’Syde Beverage app and scan the outside of the bottle, they will be given access to Carey’s new social network. (This added feature is why Carey’s drink is being marketed as an “interactive” beverage, which apparently is a thing now.)
Early reviews claim that Butterfly tastes like “liquid sugar-free gummy bears” (hopefully not the diarrhea kind) and “Gatorade-like, but with more sugar” — however if I can get my hands on a bottle rest assured that I will be reporting with a full review of my own. Before and after I add the vodka to it.
Here’s video of the press release. Note the money shot footage of Mariah Carey’s business partner trying to choke it down for the cameras.