Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project was amazing and inspirational in that it gave hope to gay and bullied teens by spreading messages from former gay and bullied teens — now grown up and leading pretty damn awesome lives. But until now, no one has thought of the teens who it didn’t get better for. The Chads and the Heathers of the world who thought life was going to be one big old non-stop party and the Zima would never stop flowing. Because for those kids, the party did end, because they probably got knocked up a semester or two into college and now they’re 30+ pounds overweight with thinning hair, crappy jobs, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THEY DON’T EVEN MAKE ZIMA ANYMORE.
So here is a very important message from those former popular kids, to the ones who are literally peaking at this very moment. Soak up while you can, d*cks, because it’s all downhill from here.