When it comes to events like the Olympics, you just have to figure product sponsorship is a fact of life. As ludicrous as it is to tie in fast food or soft drinks to the most elite athletes from around the world coming together for an international athletic competition, it is what it is. Until I saw this McDonald’s commercial. The clip shows a montage of Olympic athletes biting down on their medals after a win and then cuts to everyday garbage people biting into Chicken McNuggets, because “the greatest victories are celebrated with a bite.” I mean are you kidding seriously now STUFFING A BREADED, FRIED PIECE OF FRANKENCHICKEN INTO YOUR GAPING FACEHOLE IS NOTHING LIKE WINNING AN OLYMPIC MEDAL.
But then I took a step back. Maybe I’m being a bit hard on these nugget celebrators. Myself, I run a couple of half marathons a year (*humblebrag*) but compared to people who participate in full marathons, triathlons and even Iron Man competitions, how impressive is that? But should that cancel out my victory? The answer is no, it shouldn’t, and I am callous to assume that the victories celebrated by Chicken McNugget people are not significant, either.
So in order to put myself in these peoples shoes, I have come up with 10 everyday victories that can probably be celebrated with a Chicken McNugget:
1. Consecutively guessing all of the top answers through an entire episode of Family Feud.
2. Successful haggling with the drive through operator for two extra Sweet & Sour sauces.
3. Finding a quarter on the ground.
4. Pooping at work without getting caught.
5. Beating your friend to the last Chicken McNugget.
6. Clean socks.
7. Green lights to McDonalds. The whole way.
8. Getting your spot back on the couch before the dog has the chance to fart it all up.
9. Accidentally receiving your neighbor’s Us Magazine in the mail.
10. Testing negative for Type 2 diabetes.