Portland, Oregon’s long nightmare is over because a man nicknamed “The Nerdy Bandit,” otherwise known as 31-year-old Thaddeus Lindsay-Woods, (actual name) has finally been apprehended after a crime spree dating back to October of 2013. Finally, Portland residents can feel safe returning to their beloved institutions, American Apparel and Urban Outfitters.
Lindsay-Woods was given the unfortunate nickname because of witnesses who described him as “nerdyish” due to the fact that he wore black-rimmed glasses and an, uh, Heisenberg hat?
Sure, why not.
On Oct. 4, he handed a demand note to an employee at American Apparel on 34th Avenue and Hawthorne Boulevard, and then walked out of the store with an undisclosed amount of cash, according to police.
Exactly one week later, police said, Lindsay-Woods tried to hit another American Apparel, this one in downtown Portland at 12th Avenue and Stark Street. The employee ran away, and Lindsay-Woods fled the store without getting any money, officers said.
The third robbery took a more serious turn, according to police, because Lindsay-Woods was armed with a gun. Investigators said he robbed the Urban Outfitters off Northwest 23rd Avenue, and ran out the back entrance to 24th Avenue with an undisclosed amount of cash.
I’m still unclear how a guy wearing dark-rimmed glasses robbing hipster stores in Portland, Oregon got the nickname “The Nerdy Bandit,” but I guess it makes more sense than calling him the “Stereotypical Dude From Portland Oregon Bandit.” Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.