In the Ukriane people are in the midst of a violent civil war. In Thailand protesters are being killed by armed police forces. In Venezuela, a country finds itself divided over the leadership of Nicolas Maduro. In Florida, a woman called 911 after she was served raw waffles and the manager at the restaurant refused to take them off her bill.
Wow. I guess she really took “batter”s into her own hand. Kudos to the 911 operator (who I’m assuming looks like Halle Berry if Hollywood has taught me anything) for not losing her sh*t on this woman. “Help, my home’s being robbed!” “Sorry, all police units are occupied trying to get a woman’s $2.11 back.”
To recap: a woman and her family, I guess, went to the Village Eeeen for breakfast (we can assume) and she was served waffles that were “raw”, which means they were undercooked (Waffle batter becomes waffles when cooked, so waffles cannot, by definition, be raw – anyways). She asked – politely I’m sure – that they be taken off her bill. The manager refused, I would imagine because she ate the whole thing, because Florida. Her response to this was not to post a nasty tweet, or simply not go there again, but to call Emergency Response. The same thing you call when your family is being attacked.
What the hell do they put in the drinking water in Florida? Bleach? Is it bleach?
Considering last week we published this story about a Florida man who tattooed a spider on his face, more and more it seems like Patton Oswalt was right, Florida – America’s “vestigial tail” – is f*cked.
So here’s my challenge to you, dear reader: tell me one good thing about Florida that has nothing to do with Miami or the weather. Just one thing.