A Group Of Ninjas Wearing Fedoras Are Robbing The Wealthy In Southwestern Florida

05.08.14 4 years ago 4 Comments
Japanese Iga-ryu Ninjas pose after a per

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The horrible Photoshop above is my personal representation of the perps represented in this case out of Florida. It seems that a team of mysterious ninjas have been forcing their way into mansions all across the southwestern portion of the state in Collier County, with their latest crime scaring the crap out of a local homeowner. From WZVN:

“I’ve gone down in a flaming airplane before with a good outcome and it wasn’t nearly as scary as this. There I was in control, here they were,” Kitchen said.

On April 30, amusement park specialist Kitchen and his partner pull into their Lake Butler driveway at night.

“We were confronted by three armed robbers dressed in ninja outfits and they confronted us in the garage as we got out of the car,” he said.

“Like each home invasion in Collier County, Kitchen and company were brought inside and tied up, while the robbers ransacked the home,” he said.

“I have insurance, so they demanded everything in site, so I gave them everything. I gave them my watch, my wallet — everything they asked for,” Kitchen said.

Now look, these are obviously not real ninjas. First off, I can see them. Real ninjas rely on the shadows and not being seen. A white fedora is not helping in that aspect, neither is being caught on every camera on the property. Second, how many ninjas do you know in Florida?

Unless we’re counting pro-wrestlers, I’ve never seen one. I’ve seen more Scientologists in their weird postal service outfits than I have ninjas, staring at you like the Children Of The Damned.

(Via WZVN)

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