UPROXX Summer Guide: AriZona Arnold Palmer

07.13.10 8 years ago

Alright, hoss, here’s the situation. It’s summertime. It’s hot, really hot. And you’re thirsty, really thirsty. Not to mention that you’re broke, really broke. You’re in some suburban town, riddled with 7-11s, and you have no idea what to do. All you know is that you have a hankering for golf-related beverages. Well, my friend, the boys at AriZona beverage Co. have seen your plight, and taken pity upon you. Enter the AriZona Arnold Palmer Half & Half. A sweet and tangy combination of lemonade and AriZona’s famous iced tea, of which every sip is like making out with Marisa Miller.

This is what you should be drinking.

Not to mention that they’re sold just about everywhere ice cold, of course, in 23 oz tall-boy cans for a mere 99 cents. Is that something you might be interested in?

Arnold Palmer

The first thing you notice when looking at the Arnold Palmer can is the elderly gentleman right smack in the middle. That gentleman is Arnold Palmer, who is credited with inventing the drink, and is considered one of the greatest golfers to ever live. His accomplishments on the links are too many for me to detail here. Look at him in that picture. He’s so badass, he makes Bruce Willis in Die Hard look like a French soccer player. He could sell ice to a polar bear, a jacket to a Kenyan, and Americans more things they don’t really need. Arnold Palmer is an icon, but the drink’s moniker is simply the icing on the delicious cake that is the AriZona half and half.

The Arnold Palmer isn’t just delicious, it’s also a healthier option than your average soft drink. A 23oz tall boy can has three 50 calorie servings with 13 grams of sugar per serving. Compare that to a 20oz bottle of Coca-Cola, which has 240 calories and 65 grams of sugar. You’re getting three more ounces of tasty beverage, while saving 90 calories and 26 grams of sugar. It is swimsuit season, after all, and you need to look good for beach babes or beach hunks. Whatever you’re into, no judgments here. Unless you’re passing up a refreshing Arnold Palmer. If so, then welcome to Judgment City: population, you.

The AriZona Arnold Palmer Half and Half should be your drink of choice when you’re sweating like Michael Jackson at a little league game. It tastes like the nectar of Olympus, comes in big, convenient tall-boy cans, and only costs 99 cents. Buy some for your Fourth of July party, and spike it with vodka. It’s called a John Daly, named after the alcoholic golfer himself. One sip, and you’ll wish you could swim in a pool of it for the rest of your life. Start serving John Dalys, and pretty soon you’ll have the greatest party of all time on your hands.

Your party, but imagine less shirtless dudes.

And what’s more American than celebrating America’s birthday by getting tanked off a drink promoted by an American icon? Baseball and those crappy snake fireworks? No way, Jose Chief bro. Get yourself an Arnold Palmer, and you will thank yourself everyday for the rest of your life.

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