Breaking: A Serial Pooper Is On The Loose In Houston!

News & Culture Writer
05.08.14 14 Comments


Residents in the Woodland Heights neighborhood of Houston are on the lookout for a serial pooper who has been defecating in neighbors yards, driveways and sidewalks. He’s even hit one home six times! According to the news report, the suspect brings paper towels to wipe himself with, leaving the poopy papers behind at the scene. Can’t have a serial pooper with an itchy butt!

One neighbor placed the camera in a nearby tree to try and catch the suspect, several images were recorded that show an older man who is balding with a mustache wearing shorts.

Deputies told Local 2 that’s their suspect and he will likely face an indecent exposure or criminal mischief charge, if caught.

Neighbors are hoping it happens soon because he’s been leaving behind a huge mess and they are tired of cleaning up after him.

“This is our neighborhood,” said Aimee Parsons. “Whatever people think should go on around here — pooping is not okay. We don’t want dogs pooping in our yards why would we want a human?  It is very strange.”

You hear that? Pooping is NOT OKAY. Where the hell do you think you are, India? This is America, dammit, and we do our pooping at home behind closed doors, like good and proper ladies and gentlemen. But seriously, does this guy have a mental problem, or did the neighborhood association really just piss him off by not declaring him the winner of the annual holiday home decoration contest? INFLATABLE MICKEY AND MINNIES RIDING IN A CHRISTMAS TRAIN ARE NOT CHEAP, DAMMIT.

Everything about this story is magical, and I fully plan to follow up on this.

(Via Click 2 Houston)

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