Scheduled inconveniently between the Golden Globes and Oscars, where no one can (or should) pay attention to them, there’s the ninth annual Crunchies Awards, which “recognizes and celebrates the most compelling startups, internet, and technology innovations of the year.” The ceremony was held earlier this week in San Francisco, and I’m not sure those poor (not at all, not in any sense of the word) millionaires and billionaires have recovered from Chelsea Peretti’s opening remarks.
The Brooklyn Nine-Nine star, who recently got into a Twitter back-and-forth with fellow comedian Ralphie May, started where last year’s host T.J. Miller left off, commenting on the tech industry’s lack of diversity and figuratively popping the monocles of the rich people in the audience.
Peretti made gang-bang jokes, praised Snapchat for revolutionizing teen pregnancy, and saved her best material for popular ride-sharing apps. “If this were basketball,” she said, “Lyft would be the Clippers and Uber would be Kobe Bryant, because of all the rape stuff.” That’s the problem with the Globes and Oscars: Not enough hosts are willing to end their opening monologue with, “…because of all the rape stuff.” Your move, Chris Rock.
At one point, Peretti turned her attention to the Crunchies mascot, which is apparently a monkey dressed like a chill tech bro, complete with a backwards hat? “I know there was an earlier iteration that was a drone with a big penis just pissing on the city of San Francisco,” she joked, but I think the Crunchies made the right call. That monkey? He f*cks.