Cowboys Stadium Features Cage Dancers, Lacks End Zone Stripper Poles

09.21.09 8 years ago 51 Comments

Come on Jerry, surely you can find these girls outfits befitting a cage dancer.

Much has been made of the many eye-opening features at the new Cowboys Stadium, and rightly so. I thought we’d already seen everything the stadium had to offer, and then we were treated to the cage dancers. That development got us wondering what other features Jerry Jones tried to cram into the stadium. After a little bit of digging we managed to come up with a list of proposed stadium features that didn’t make the cut for a variety of reasons.

– A four drink minimum

– Mirrored ceilings

– Cheerleader locker room cam

– Indoor coach firing squad

– Tower of Babel built to scale

– Massive throne for when God shows up to watch his team

– Shark tank dancers

Marcus Dixon‘s Super Fun Kids’ Playroom

– 18 hole golf course

– Monorail around concourse

– Oversized belt buckle concession stand

– Gun check

– Double wooden swinging doors in front of the tunnel

– Michael Irvin’s Barbershop

– A kick ass rear spoiler

– Swearing in of all club-level ticket holders as “Deputies”

– Pass defense

– Sideline hitching posts

– Baked potato bar

– Sarsaparilla vendors

– Mean dog on a chain in lieu of stadium security

– Hologram ushers

– Glory holes

– All you can eat pussy buffet

– On-site White House with shuttle access to special dirtier off-site White House

– Wade Phillips dunk tank

– Jason Garret’s dining club (closed to the public)

– “Shoot your own steak” barbecue pit/cattle corral

– Flozell Adams Brazilian Wax Salon

– Used cheerleader panties concession stand

Image via Flickr

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