“Kids, come gather around ol’ Grandpa Redditor plzsendhalp and I’ll tell you about the time I was going to kill myself in Mexico, but didn’t after banging a bunch of prostitutes, drinking tequila and whiskey like water, and snorting mounds of cocaine. It begins in 2008…”
(Salty language ahead and graphic visuals ahead…)
Went to Mexico to buy barbiturates for a humane and peaceful death.
Decided that if I was gonna die anyway I might as well f*ck a prostitute before it was all over. After that a cab driver offered to sell me cocaine. One thing lead to another, and I got a room above a whore house equipped with a heart shaped bed, a stripper pole, and a hot tub.
Spent a full week snorting coke off tits, popping pain meds, drinking tequila, eating handfuls of Viagra to fight the whiskey/coke dick, and had three FFM threesomes.
Somewhere in the midst of my coke-fueled orgy, I decided life wasn’t so bad after all. (Via)
What’s that? You want to hear more? Well, if you insist…
The drugs and sex didn’t fix me. They were like CPR for a man with a stopped heart. Dangerous, risky, and unlikely to work, but if you can keep the guy alive long enough to get the defibrillator to him, even if it means breaking some ribs, it’s worth the risk. I was going to die that night. I don’t suggest if you’re feeling depressed that you get a mountain of cocaine and a gaggle of chicas. But if you’re holding the f*cking gun to your head as you read this, yes, please do. Get some coke, get some women, get whatever you need!
Don’t. Do. It. Please? (Via)
That cheer you little punks up? This should:
One girl was down for some lezzy sh*t but the other wasn’t, so I offered her an extra $50 if she’d let the first girl go down on her while I f*cked lezzy from behind. Something about a straight girl getting eaten out by another girl just drives me up the f*cking wall. (Via)
In conclusion.
I am completely STD free. Not even cold sores. (Via)
Now off you go. And when you’re banging your lady (or gentleman!) of the night, think of grandpa.