Yes, the Comeypalooza warmup is upon us, for former FBI Director James Comey will appear before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday. While his written testimony has provided a wealth of damning information (including one particularly large bombshell against Trump), there’s still plenty to be revealed once the hearing begins, and the questions start flying.
All the major networks are carrying the event, which will undoubtedly eclipse the ratings of Donald Trump’s most popular Celebrity Apprentice episode ever. Yet the subject matter is all too serious, even if plenty of people will drink their way silly due to the number of times that Trump will likely tweet. And ahead of what could be the most vital Congressional testimony since the Watergate or Anita Hill hearings, Comey’s getting a little Internet help. Basically, folks are rewriting his testimony with some amazing results.
This was bound to happen. People were spectacularly entertained by Comey’s incredible revelation(s) as they appeared.
DC'S HOTTEST READ IS THE COMEY STATEMENT pic.twitter.com/DCesWU1tg1
— Ellie Hall (@ellievhall) June 7, 2017
Yet folks noticed that Comey’s rendition of his private dinner with Trump read somewhat like H.P. Lovecraft.
Comey opening statement reads a little like HP Lovecraft at times pic.twitter.com/tyQ248LCqe
— sarah jeong (@sarahjeong) June 7, 2017
Then the Internet created some very creative fan fiction. You will laugh, cry, and possibly wish you tweeted this stuff yourself. Enjoy!
Whoa pic.twitter.com/nFnNHNglvU
— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) June 7, 2017
Twitter you're just wrong for this. Hilarious, but wrong. #ComeyRewrites pic.twitter.com/r2jDWzOv1x
— Mkay (@JoyAnnReid) June 7, 2017
https://twitter.com/brian_hanson/status/872522282584989696
this is my submission for "weird parts in the comey memo" pic.twitter.com/jLklHGspbB
— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) June 7, 2017
Yeah this version of Comey's statements is creepy, but it's nothing compared to the unabridged transcript https://t.co/F1GqzBU474 pic.twitter.com/rYS3DL6fl8
— Naomi Clark (暗悪直美) ❌ (@metasynthie) June 7, 2017
https://twitter.com/patdennis/status/872511767007592449
The "grandfather clock" was actually a secret listening device. More inconspicuous than a microwave. #ComeyMemo #ComeyRewrites
— Joseph X (@FutureIsPeace) June 7, 2017
In addition, there were a few iconic pop culture moments that came to mind.
January 27 Dinner
Comey: I didn't move, speak, or change my facial expression in any way during the awkward silence that followed. pic.twitter.com/IwaXKFYRvM
— Mr. Newberger (@jeremynewberger) June 7, 2017
"he wanted loyalty but all I could promise was honesty" -james comey pic.twitter.com/dHW6rsuESQ
— ziwe (@ziwe) June 7, 2017
And we’ll sign off with a “joke” from House Democrat Maxine Waters about how Comey didn’t want to be left alone with President Trump, ever. (Thursday should be a madhouse!)
So Comey told Jeff Sessions he didn't want to be alone with Trump. Women across the country can relate.
— Maxine Waters (@RepMaxineWaters) June 7, 2017