It was no secret that Percy Harvin had wanted out of Minnesota for a while before the Vikings eventually granted his wish and dealt the receiver to the Seahawks in exchange for three draft picks. What we didn’t know was why. Okay, we had strong suspicions it was because Christian Ponder sucks, but now there is glorious confirmation.
According to two sources, the straw that broke the Vikings’ back with Harvin is when he bemoaned the fact that quarterback Christian Ponder, a 2011 first-round pick, was not good enough. That came even though Ponder consistently fed Harvin the ball.
It probably didn’t help that Harvin was lost for the year before Ponder had his one strong performance in the regular season finale against the Packers. That totally would have brought Percy around. Or Ponder could have offered him Samantha Steele for a night. Strikes me as more pragmatic an option than expecting himself to turn the corner toward competence.
— Deadspin has audio from a phone conversation between Bills GM Buddy Nix and Buccaneers GM Mark Dominik that was set up and recorded by two 20-year-olds, likely on assignment from master haxxor, 5Chan. As always, Buddy Nix comes off as the most oblivious party involved, though I doubt anyone will disagree with his unfortunate badmouthing of Ryan Fitzpatrick.
— Tony Gonzalez has announced that he’s coming back for another season because the prospect of coming up just short in the playoffs one more time is too tantalizing to pass up.
— Michael Vick canceled his book tour because he was receiving death threats. If only book stores had in-built jail cells like an Eagles stadium, this wouldn’t be an issue.
— Silky Garrard joined the collection of shitty quarterbacks vying for a job with the Jets. While the quality of quarterback play is unlikely to improve, the access to escorts for team pussytubing sessions should see great benefit.
— Jon Gruden said he isn’t concerned that Manti Te’o was a non-factor in the National Championship Game against Alabama, meaning Te’o and additional fabricated personalities are still in the running for future Gruden Grinder consideration.
— Football players becoming wedding surprises is becoming a regular thing, apparently. A little while ago, J.J. Watt dropped in on a couple that had a cake in his likeness at their wedding. Now it’s Brian Dawkins surprising a Eagles fan groom-to-be at a lunch set up by his fiancee. Chris Kluwe can’t wait to do this for a gay couple.
— Jason Hanson wants to return for his 22nd season with the Lions, as he wishes to be the first person to die on an NFL field because of old age.
[top video via Fire Jerry Kill]