The only thing spookier and scarier than a werewolf bar mitzvah? A haunted house. And with less than two weeks to go until Halloween, they’re everywhere right now, frightening the you-know-what out of men, women, and children alike. You won’t find me anywhere near Knott’s Scary Farm or Pennhurst Asylum, though — if I have to pay money to see something disturbing, I’ll buy a ticket to Boo! A Madea Halloween, thank you very much.
But some people (read: weirdos) will fork over $40 to see a boogie man — or possibly boogie men — “jump out and chase people out the door at the end of the haunted house.” That experience was so scary, “I’m pretty sure one sh*t himself, my whole room reeked of pure unadulterated assh*le for far too long to have been a fart.” That delightful story was shared in a 2015 Reddit post asking haunted house employees to name some of the “scariest and most insane things” they’ve seen. This year’s haunted house-theme Reddit AMA asked: what’s the funniest thing the actors have seen while scaring people?
The answers did not disappoint.
I was a talking head on a table. A group of five people led by a girl comes into my room and when the get close to me I say “Hello” fairly nonchalantly. The girl in front screams and falls backwards with a domino effect taking everyone else in her group with her. (Via)
They broke up two minutes later.
I was working a tunnel in a haunted corn maze with a creepy mask and hair that glowed in black light. I had a secret door I could come out of and try to just appear behind them once people dared to go thru. A couple was walking thru and I came out. The guy saw me and didn’t jump or anything so I held a finger to my lips and sneaked up beside his girlfriend whom was intently staring forward where she thought the scare would be coming from. As I was creeping behind her she reached her hand back to hold her boyfriends hand. So I grabbed it and laced my fingers and we walked slowly forward together. A couple steps later she started to turn and say “I’m so freaked ou…” we made eye contact and she screamed murder than passed the f*ck out. Me and the boyfriend erupted in laughter. (Via)
You had one job.
Was a faceless hood trying to scare people from behind the curtains, but didn’t hear them approaching, so I didn’t manage to pop out to scare them. They pulled open the curtains and asked me which way the exit was. It was both humiliating and amusing tbh (Via)
Straight out of a Looney Tunes cartoon.
My costume was vaguely like the girl from The Ring, a year or two after the movie came out. Pink little girl’s dress, long black wig over my face. I was pretty tiny back then and quite flexible, so I could contort myself in pretty creepy ways. Add a strobe light and you’ve got some terrifying movements. Without fail, it was always the huge football players in letter jackets who would absolutely lose their minds in my room–screaming, trying to climb the walls to get away, breaking and running, the whole works. Usually their girlfriends would be standing by calmly. One guy’s reaction was especially delicious. Once he saw me in the corner, contorted but slowly uncurling to drag myself across the floor, he screamed “Oh HELL no!” and ran through the nearest wall. Just took it right out (made of plywood, plaster, and some dry wall). Someone else ended up having to take him to first aid because because even once I was out of character he still couldn’t stand to be near me.
I won an award that year for Best Scarer. (Via)
An American werewolf in pissing.
My brother worked at a haunted jail in my town. He said it was all going well until like an hour before it ended. Nobody was showing up and he had to take a leak. So he decides to piss in the corner. As he unzips and starts, he hears talking and commotion. Of course, he couldn’t stop. So by the time that large group of people reached he cell and looked in expecting a scare, they saw a wolf man pissing in the corner. And he says, the only thing he did was turn his head and growl at them while pissing. (Via)
Too real.
I helped out with family-friendly Halloween walk a few years back, mostly involved sitting in a bush and letting some of the kids walk a little passed me before making some kind of sound in the middle of the group. However for the parents I would always moan “university costs are rising – oooooOOOoooOoo!”. (Via)
The perfect scare.
Standard jump scare scene, a guy with a demon or whatever mask pops out, spooks the tour, then disappears back behind the wall…but I guess the guy got a little overzealous?
Demon pops out: “I’m gunna eat your ass!”
Tour member: “You’re gunna eat my what?”
Demon: Recedes into shadow, leaving more questions than answers
Tour member: “That’s fine, this is fine.” (Via)
Fewer clowns than I expected. Check out the other stories here.
(Via Reddit)