Sean Payton’s Road To Redemption

07.03.12 6 years ago 34 Comments

Sean Payton: It wasn’t long ago, I was on top of the world. Had it all. Super Bowl title. Acclaim. Respect. Jerry Jones’ fancy-ass restaurant wine. Not anymore. It’s all been whisked out from under me. The worst part is, I can’t even explain the how or why of it. Is what I’ve done so horrible or so different from the deeds of my peers? Do I really deserve this fall from grace? I don’t think so. Hell, who wouldn’t have done the same given the opportunity. Many men have done what I’ve done without the consequences.

The year suspension is rough, but it’s just a year. I can do a year standing on my head. But losing my wife? I don’t know if I can hack it. I mean, she’s ashamed of me. The light of my life, and she can’t even look me in the eye anymore. Beth, honey, baby doll, where did we go wrong? Did the strain of the scandal from the last few months change my behavior? Make me cold and distant and drive you away? I don’t think so, but what do I know. Maybe it was the bastard media. Did they finally get to you. Convince you that your loving husband is really a monster? I know my Beth is too smart to be swayed by those jackals, I just don’t have any other explanation.

I need answers. I need direction. Where can I turn in this hour of need? Everyone wants to tell me how I screwed up, but nobody wants to tell me how to make it right again. There must be a way. There has to be. Everything can’t just come apart like this. I’ll do anything, just give me a sign. Please.


What? Who said that? Who’s there?


Holy sh*t, Drew? Is that you? You’re a big ol’ translucent head, Drew. What’re you doing?

Drew Brees: Sean, I’m here to provide the guidance you seek. Listen for a moment and I’ll-

Sean Payton: This can’t be good for your contract situation. Where’s your arm, buddy? We’re gonna need that arm. You really should have consulted some people before you made the change.

Drew Brees: I am not actually Drew Brees. I come before you as Drew because I can not yet reveal to you my true form. Sean, there is a way to set things right again. But you must do exactly as I tell you. No different or all will remain lost.

Sean Payton: Yes! Yes! Anything!

Drew Brees: You must light out into the world. There are tasks that must be done. All will be revealed in time.

Sean Payton: Where am I going? What is this quest that you have for me? I must know.

Drew Brees: All in the fullness of time. When the moment is right, you will receive instructions. For now, you must follow this road and not deviate from the path. Your journey begins now.

Sean Payton: Can I grab some Juicy Fruit first?

Drew Brees: There’s gas station about five miles down. You can get some there.

To be continued…

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