The Best Moments From Week 7 Sunday

10.22.12 5 years ago 16 Comments


The Texans, Giants and Packers were Sunday’s big winners, asserting themselves as teams to be considered Super Bowl favorites, at least until they lose another game, causing a bunch of people to start doubting them. For the time being, however, all is rosy.

The Patriots also got a key victory over a division rival, but they looked like ass in doing so, so no one wants to give them any credit. Really, the only AFC contest anyone without direct rooting interest cared about was Baltimore-Houston. And that was a curbstomping. A glorious one, but a curbstomping nonetheless.

That win puts Houston on a pace that CBS hinted leads to a sure-fire Super Bowl appearance. CBS BE JINXING YOU, HOUSTON. Haha, just kidding, jinxes are for assholes like Bill Simmons. Still, try to keep Matt Schaub healthy this year, won’t you?

Never mind that the graphic conveniently ignores what happened in 2008. Also the fact that all these AFC teams, with the exception of the ’06 Colts, lost in the Super Bowl.

Anyway, gallery of funny stuff and highlights for those of you willing to get your click on.

QBR may be a bullshit stat manufactured by ESPN for further tWWL self-promotion, but today it handily functions as a tool for making fun of Joe Flacco. Apparently, Flacco on Sunday had the lowest bullshit metric any quarterback has had since 2008. It means nothing, but it sounds bad and that’s good enough for me.

Also, Joe Flacco sucks. YOU BOT BESTED BY WADE!

This particular play is probably more of a case of Arian Foster being really good than the Baltimore defense being really bad. It just so happens that the Ravens defense is a complete disaster now.

Because of course they did.

So Timothy Dalton played James Bond a while ago, so Andy Dalton is Ginger Bond for some reason. Hey, whatever. There’s a new Bond movie coming out and NBC has corporate interests to promote. They don’t have to make sense.

Red Rocket might have some staying power once Dalton admits to playing with doggy peen.


Oh, look: Cris Collinsworth found Heath Miller’s ass. That’s helpful. White guy ass can be hard to locate.

You think Peter King calling RGIII “the NFL’s Bono” was bad? Well, it was. But there would have been so much worse if the Redskins had pulled off that victory. FOX had a segment with both the presidential candidates gushing of RGIII and it was the worst. It even ended with someone who looked like Romney Griffining inside the Lincoln Memorial. I’m willing to bet that’s not unintentional forced perspective for the Washington Monument serving as an RGIII boner.

Well, you know what? The Washington Monument is cracked. YOU HAVE A CRACKED BONER, WASHINGTON!

All right, all right. The 4th and 10 conversion that RGIII pulled off was pretty damn awesome. Again, be thankful the ‘Skins didn’t win this game or else there would be an emerging meme out of the way RGIII fell backwards after completing the go-ahead touchdown to Santana Moss. It would probably lead to Redskins fans banging the back of their heads on the ground. Still not enough to excuse the egregious celebratory meme abuse.


Elisha and Victor Cruz had to rain salsa all over the RGIIII puffery parade. Perhaps Cruz should be rewarded by having that reference to his recently deceased grandmother removed from that Chunky Soup commercial.


Redskins waterboy for Meast. Seriously, that’s impressive balance. He must have been a contestant on Double Dare back in the day.

Everyone presumes Greg Zuerlein will break the NFL record for the longest field goal, even though a high school kid already did it. Sebastian Janikowski tried it on Sunday and, well, noooooooppppppeeee.


Jimmy Haslam had to have realized what he was signing on for when he purchased the Browns. He didn’t look the part when the team fell to the Colts. Don’t worry, misery will come naturally soon enough.


I will say that Browns camo might be the only example of retarded NFL camo that could conceivably work. For the autumn, at least. That is the best time for Browns fans not to want to be detected.


Mike Wallace was busy being the Week 7 champ of dropping shit on Sunday night. That means Greg Little is off the hook until next week. What’s that? Little even had an impressive catch for a touchdown. What a time to be alive.


Chris Johnson had a fine game against the Bills. Possibly because the Bills suck, but mostly because you happened to have traded or benched him.

Devin McCourty had a 104-yard kick return in the first quarter of the Patriots win, but he balanced that out by nearly costing New England the game with a 4th quarter fumble. This led to the Jets being all ecstatic, which is how they usually are before the inevitable failure sets in.

This is Tom Brady’s signal for teammates to form a huddle. Though I prefer to think he likes that Asian guy from Major League II as much as the rest of us.




A bunch of Patriots fans dressed up as Bob Kraft were spotted in the stands at Gillette. I can only hope a group of fans try to dress up as Dan Snyder at FedEx Field and get pelted with rocks.

Zoltan Mesko bragged about photobombing Gronk on TV. Gonna need higher grade punter zaniness to eclipse Steve Weatherford, my friend.


You might say Chad Henne wasn’t aware it was 4th down when he threw this pass away. Quite the contrary. Had he not known, it would have gone about 15 yards further into the stands.

Oh nothing, I just enjoyed how exuberant this Raiders fan was after Darrius Heyward-Bey drew a pass interference penalty that helped key the Oakland comeback against Jacksonville. THANK YOU BASED DAVIS GOD!

Christian Ponder was on a taped segment during FOX NFL Sunday grousing that he doesn’t get enough credit for his athleticism because he’s a white guy. First Brian Hartline, now this? When will the discrimination against scrappiness end?! Don’t worry, I’m sure these folks would never deny your deceptive speed.

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