10 Names Parents Gave Their Kids In 2013 That Should Count As Abuse

By: 12.07.13  •  48 Comments

BabyCenter has the unenviable assignment of keeping track of the names, both good and terrible, parents give to their kids. We won’t know this year’s 10 most popular choices for both boys and girls until May, though it’s predicted Sophia and Jackson will top the lists, but according to the parenting website, “we found that 43% chose – or are hunting for – a unique or unusual name.” Meaning, 43% of parents are monsters who don’t deserve a baby.

How else to explain…?

GIRLS

Blip

-Best not to name your child after an online media platform. Or the noise a robot makes.

Duda

-I guarantee this came from an angry feminist trying to emasculate the word “dude.”

Eternity

-Your entire life would be heading toward a tragic irony, but yeah, Eternity’s great.

Fairy/Feline/Flower

-Ban F girl names altogether.

Justus

-“Your name’s Justus? I like the sound of that.” Doomed to a lifetime of terrible pickup lines.

BOYS

Danish

-Expect Bagel, Cronut, and Poppy Seed Roll to appear on next year’s list.

Jag

-Who knew there are so many David James Elliott fans out there?

Kashmere

-And his little sister, Bronyraur.

Kazz

-“No, it’s Kazz. It’s like Jazz, but one higher. Yeah, I don’t know what my parents were smoking, either.”

Rocket

-This is the kind of name a kid thinks is cool. Then they turn six.

will smith parents

(via Getty Image, via BabyCenter)

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