10 Things We Thought We’d Have In The Future But Don’t

05.14.13 4 years ago 19 Comments

Words By AJ + Preezy Da Kid

You ever watch an old movie or show set in the future and think, “I wish I had a time machine”? For all the technological advances we’ve made, you’d think we’d have some of these things already, but we don’t and it f*cking sucks. Seriously, science, what gives? So before you head to the theaters this weekend to check out the latest Star Trek movie (or a third viewing of Iron Man), take a look at these 10 fictional items we’ve been impatiently waiting for science to turn into reality.

1. Hoverboards

True, Marty McFly’s hoverboard adventures happened in 2015, so the science world still has some time to make things right. But I’m impatient, and if commercial hoverboards really do become a thing, wouldn’t we have seen some sort of prototype right now? Something at the X-Games, perhaps? Meet us half way here.

2. Teleportation

Transferring matter across space and time might be a bit more difficult than altering gravity, but if Jeff Goldblum was playing with the idea in the mid-80’s The Fly, why haven’t we progressed? Think of the the advances it could bring to the food delivery game.

3. Cloned Dinosaurs

Thanks to Jurassic Park, many of us grew up with unrealistic expectations of dinosaurs roaming the world, genetically cloned preserved DNA specimens. And, yes, the science is advancing at a quick rate, but if the most astonishing results have come from a cloned sheep, maybe it’s time we try a bit harder. Start cloning dinosaurs.

4. Flying cars

Hanna-Barbera should’ve never conjured up the concept for their legendary cartoon The Jetsons, because ever since we’ve been waiting on the announcement of the world’s first flying car. Flying in planes is cool and all, but why would you do that when you can just hop in your car, hit the hover switch, and be able to travel at your own leisure?

5. Time Travel

Back To The Future had it down in the mid-80s. The Time Machine showed us that traveling through the years was possible back in the late 1800s. So why, exactly, are we sitting here without the ability to jump through decades? Long story short: because we aren’t yet capable of traveling at the speed of light. Or something like that. Read more by clicking here, but know that your childhood fantasy of riding a tyrannosaurus rex through a medieval battlefield won’t be happening any time soon. It pains me to write that.

6. Everlasting Gobstoppers

We’re sure we’re not the only ones to have ever pondered why we still have yet to see the creation of a true Everlasting Gobstopper. While there is a imitation of the famed Willy Wonka product on the market, why not have the real deal? I’m sure it would save a lot of money on Halloween, as a single Gobstopper would last a lifetime, and who doesn’t like saving money?

7. Home-Ready Mechanical Butlers/Maids

I think it’s safe to say that 98.9% of us can be lazy f*cks at times. So, why not have a mechanical robot like Rosey from the Jetson’s around to do your light-work? One of your homies need a brew from the fridge, but it’s the fourth quarter of a close sporting event? No need to worry. Just give the robot the orders and you can enjoy your drink without anyone missing a single highlight.

8. Laser Weapons

If Star Wars occurred “a long time ago,” our planet is playing catch-up in a major way. NPR’s story on the U.S. “deploying a solid-state laser weapon” definitely says a lot about the direction that laser weapons are headed, but if we aren’t talking about handhelds that shoot bright green-and-red lights, I’m just not interested.

9. Human Shrinkage/Enlargement

Remember watching Honey, I Shrunk The Kids and wondering when that type of machinery would hit the market? Well, even though we have options for weight loss/gain, there is yet to be a human shrinkage/enlargement option, other than the ones the military and government may have in the stash somewhere. If we had a dollar for every stump of a man who wanted to grow an inch or 10 and those abnormally tall females who would rather look up than down during dates, Lord knows how many cartons of cigs we could buy for the TSS office.

10. Replicator

Dude, can you imagine waking up in the morning and thinking “I want pancakes” and the sh*ts just pop up before you can even ask for syrup? Yeah, if food were that easy to “cook,” we’d all be morbidly obese and probably die before 40. However, on the upside, it would also cure world hunger and make everyone’s day a hell of a lot easier. Just further proof that Star Trek had it right with the Replicator. Mmm… synthesized sundaes. We can almost taste the slight hint of electrons!

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