20 Questions With Flame-Armed Doppelganger Jay Cutler

06.25.14 3 years ago 57 Comments



Sometimes it’s late June, there’s nothing going on in the NFL and you go searching the dregs of the Internet for things to write about. And so it was that I happened on this comic-style drawing of Jay Cutler with a flame arm and, well, I’m not sure what’s going on below. Anyway, I have questions. 20 of them.

1. Why is Jay Cutler’s arm on fire?
2. Why does he seem so smug about it?
3. Shouldn’t that, like, really hurt?
4. Is he trying to prove his toughness yet again?
5. Shouldn’t people stop holding that NFC Championship Game against him?
6. Is he smug because, unlike his doppelganger, he doesn’t appear to be trapped in a cell with a glass ceiling?
7. Why doesn’t flame arm Jay Cutler try to free him?
8. Wouldn’t the flame arm be of more use to the Cutler trapped in the hellscape?
9. Or because it’s hell and fire is plentiful, would that particular power be of limited use?
10. Why are the Bears playing Notre Dame in the hellscape?
11. Why are the Bears playing some version of Notre Dame that only has players from Slovenia?
12. What is no. 51 on Slovenia Notre Dame trying to do? He isn’t being blocked yet he’s not facing the quarterback.
13. Did Cutler get the pass off?
14. Based on his follow through, it looks like he did, but wouldn’t the ball hit the glass ceiling at that angle?
15. Is Cutler not ELITE enough to hurl the ball through the glass ceiling?
16. Where are his receivers?
17. Are they in adjacent pods?
18. Won’t they be unable to get yards after the catch since they’re basically trapped in a cell?
19. How have I not acknowledged the giant stone 6 yet?
20. Can I have $5 to buy this poster?

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