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Derpy Louisiana Congressman John Fleming Thinks The Onion Publishes Real News

By / 02.06.12

As anyone who pays attention can attest, the current crop of elected officials in Congress ranks among the more doltish of all-time, which is saying a lot, as this nation has sent some real retards to Washington over the years. So to stand out amongst this collection of deep thinkers is quite an achievement, and one man who has on multiple occasions — perhaps most famously for whining about how he and his family can barely get by on $400k per year after taxes — is abortion-obsessed Rep. John Fleming of Louisiana.

With that said, Fleming took his abortion obsession and stupidity to new heights recently when he joined the likes of the dumb people you went to high school with and posted an over-the-top absurd Onion article to his Facebook wall, obviously thinking it was real…

Fleming’s derptastic moment was captured by the wonderful Tumblr, “Literally Unbelievable” — a blog dedicated to highlighting morons who lack the mental capacity to grasp that The Onion isn’t real — which we’ve fawned over in the past. And to appreciate how truly derpy this whole thing is, you really have to read the actual Onion piece Fleming, or someone on his staff, linked to on Facebook (“Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex”). Below are a just two excerpts, but they make the point rather emphatically. Keep in mind while reading them that a person elected to Congress, or someone working closely with him, actually thought this was real…

During a press conference, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards told reporters that the new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility located in the nation’s heartland offers quick, easy, in-and-out abortions to all women, and represents a bold reinvention of the group’s long-standing mission and values.

“Although we’ve traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion,” said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood’s new slogan, “No Life Is Sacred.” “And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it’s going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day.”

“The Abortionplex’s high-tech machinery is capable of terminating one pregnancy every three seconds,” Richards added. “That’s almost a million abortions every month. We’re so thrilled!”

And if that weren’t enough, this…

The remaining space is dedicated to amenities such as coffee shops, bars, dozens of restaurants and retail outlets, a three-story nightclub, and a 10-screen multiplex theater—features intended not only to help clients relax, but to foster a sense of community and make abortion more of a social event.

“We really want abortion to become a regular part of women’s lives, especially younger women who have enough fertile years ahead of them to potentially have dozens of abortions,” said Richards, adding that the Abortionplex would provide shuttle service to and from most residences, schools, and shopping malls in the region. “Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus.”

And in case you’re wondering, yes, I am embarrassed that Fleming hails from Louisiana. But it should be noted that he’s from North Louisiana, so he really shouldn’t even count against us.


TAGSabortionCONGRESSderpderp derp derpjohn flemingLITERALLY UNBELIEVABLEplanned parenthoodTHE ONION

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