Mere hours before the very welcome return of Parks and Recreation, and with it the introduction of "Pig Tom," Mr. Haverford himself Aziz Ansari held an(other) Ask Me Anything on Reddit where, indeed, people asked anything. But mostly things about standup, Parks and Recreation, and his favorite jamz.
What did we learn? Well, Aziz loves Arnold Schwarzenegger, and even when he's not talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger, he's thinking about Arnold Schwarzenegger. We also now know his favorite movie, what to except from Parks this season (including the return of Jean-Ralphio), and what he'd be doing with his life were he not a world-famous comedian. Also, multiple Jingle All the Way references. It's not First Kid, but it's close.
Here are some of his finest answers.
Hey Aziz, no bars near me make Gold Rushes. What's your own recipe?
1 1/2 oz Maker's Mark 3/4 oz lemon juice 3/4 oz honey syrup (honey syrup you make with 3:1 ratio of honey to boiling water). A fantastic cocktail.
What would you be doing if you weren't hilarious?
A fat Indian man that lives at home.
If you could have any one guest star on parks and Rec, who would you choose?
Hey Aziz, whats your all time favorite scene from parks and rec and why?
Ron eating bacon at the strip club.
Has 50 Cent ever talked to you about your "Grapefruit" story?
No! Have not run into him anywhere. Hopefully he thinks its funny?
I was sitting there with a friend and he’s like ‘Aziz, what you’ve been up to in L.A.?’ and I said - ‘Shut up. Because 50 Cent is sitting over there and i need to hear everything he says’. 50 Cent did not disappoint. Okay. He ordered a grapefruit soda, right. Waiter brings him a grapefruit soda. And 50 Cent said the greatest thing anyone could ever say when you see a grapefruit soda. He looks at the waiter and goes - ’Why isn’t this purple?’ And it took me a few seconds and then I realized - Oh my God. 50 Cent has no idea what a grapefruit is. I couldn’t believe it. I was like ‘Everybody in this restaurant you need to shut up right now because a waiter is about to explain to a grown man what a grapefruit is!’ I just couldn’t believe it! How does he not know what a grapefruit is? He’s been rich for so long. He must’ve run into a grapefruit every now and then. I do ‘okay’ and I see grapefruit at least every other day. (Via)
What's the next movie in theaters that you will be in?
Jingle All the Way 2
What's your favorite memory from childhood?
How is Nick Offerman off set?
Everyone says this about everyone, but he is the nicest, sweetest man. And he always carries me in his arms from the trailer to the sets.
Making it past the "open mic-er" stage of a stand-up's career is a rough step to take. What's the story of how it happened for you?
It just happens as you get better and people take notice. Eugene Mirman gave me the best advice early on, he said to just focus on your act and start killing. People are always going to want to give you spots if you're doing great sets. You quickly learn once you focus on being really good, the rest falls in place. I remember seeing people at open mics with headshots and talking about managers, etc. Its all nonsense. The best advice is that of Steve Martin, "be undeniably good."
What can we expect from Tom this season on Parks and Recreation?
Yesterday we filmed a scene where Jean Ralphio and I sang a song that goes "MAKE! MAKE! MAKE! MAKE! MAKE THOSE BOOTIES CLAP!"
Do you use any Tom-isms (i.e. chicky chicky parm parm) in real life? What is your favorite episode of the upcoming season?
This episode (I think episode 4) where Tom has to stop using the Internet for a week is awesome. I go to Ron's cabin with Ron and try to stay off "screens" for a week. I improvised a thing about Reddit, hopefully it'll make it in. I think you guys will dig it. Offerman, as always, kills it and I got to talk about a LOT of dumb internet stuff. It's like if that Wasting Time on the Internet bit from Dangerously Delicious became a TV episode.
Has the Governator gotten back to you yet on Twitter. Would love to see you guys in a movie.
YES! I think he's recording a voicemail with T-2 and Kindergarten Cop lines. So nuts.
Hi Aziz! Do you like acting or performing stand-up more? And Human Giant was the funniest show on TV; do you still talk to Rob and Paul? Thanks so much for doing an AMA!
STANDUP IS THE BEST!!!!!!!! But I like acting too. I do talk to those guys still. Thanks for the question.
Yo Aziz, can't wait for Parks and Rec Season 5 tonight. Since you come on reddit a bunch of times, do you have any favorite subreddits or memes?
This is my favorite thing. I was looking for an old AMA of mine to see what my username was and I found this AMAZING story where someone said they ran into me on the street and I said something like "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! NO PHOTO. SUCK MY BIG DICK!!!!!"
Yeah, of course, this wasn't me. It must have been some Indian dude with a beard that was tired of being confused with me. But what was hilarious was all the redditors weirdly took Fake Aziz's side like "Yo man, you should give him his privacy." To be clear; it wasn't me and I would never treat someone that came up to me that way. I'll see if I can find it...
By the way, that happens A LOT. People tweet me like "Yo I just hi to you in Austin and you were a dick." Meanwhile, I'm in New York. Indian dudes with beards, PLEASE CARRY YOURSELF IN A RESPECTABLE MANNER! I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS OF YOUR DOUCHEBAGGERY!!!
Here's my pic with Aziz. He couldn't have been nicer.
What was your favorite comedy growing up?
Coming to America. Still holds up incredibly well.
what is your favorite movie?
Terminator 2 or Die Hard or Before Sunset. Not kidding.
Hey Aziz, what is it like to work with Chris Pratt on Parks and Rec? i watched the latest blooper reel pretty recently, and Chris had me pissing my pants with what seemingly sounded like him going off script and improving his lines.
I say this about everyone but seriously, Chris is the sweetest, funniest guy. He always also never uses a spit bucket. When you do scenes where a character is eating, you eat and then spit it out into a "spit bucket." Chris just keeps eating. If you see Andy eating a cheeseburger in a scene, you should know Chris Pratt ate like 8 cheeseburgers. I love that guy and everyone on Parks. Cannot over state this!*
*Does not include Jerry
When I saw you perform in New Jersey in the past year, you performed a completely different set of material than I had recently downloaded from your site. How often do you come up with new material for your live shows?
It just depends on how much time I have to write a new hour in between acting commitments. I would never do a big tour liked Buried Alive without having new material that I'm super confident in. Did you like Buried Alive? That's my favorite hour I've done.
I just started talking to people in clubs about marriage, how they met, online dating, etc. when I was writing the material. I quickly realized it'd be great to make it a part of the show. I didn't know if it'd work in theatres without video screens or whatever, but its been great. It's always just fascinating. I've gotten good at dealing with whatever details people give me, I haven't had a problem so far.
My favorite was in New Orleans a dude said he proposed by putting the ring around a puppy on Christmas morning. The audience and I went NUTS. A lil pup running up to a lady with a ring around its neck?? Then he said it was a "stuffed puppy" and all hope in the world was lost.
Will we get another episode about annual "treat yo' self" day?
I hope so!!
What is your favourite "blooper reel moment" from Parks & Recreation?
When Aubrey talked as Champion and asked "Anne, why won't you date me? You're the prettiest dog I've ever seen."
Hey, where was your first gig as a stand up comic? Also, how old were you when you first started doing what you do best? Thanks for doing the AMA.
Comedy Cellar in New York in the summer of 2001. I was 19. I still drop in the Cellar a lot to work on new material, its my favorite comedy club.
What's currently your favorite song? I sure hope it's Pop That by French Montana.
Dude I been blasting that A LOT. Also "Bands A Make Her Dance" by Juicy J.
Parks and Rec is one of my favourite shows, but since I live in the UK, I'm having to torrent it. Whenever I'm in the US, I try and watch it on NBC, or Netflix, or Hulu though. Should I feel shitty that I'm doing this? How else can I support the show?
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!!! MY UK RESIDUAL CHECKS!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'm kidding. I don't really care. I think its great for people to see and enjoy the show. Maybe all these companies can catch up and realize they should come up with a way for people in the UK and other parts of the world to watch shows as they come out legally. I firmly believe that people steal/download/etc because the legal methods are not as good, convenient, or fairly priced. Thanks for watching our show.