Mario’s been fighting Bowser, dealing with turtles and mushrooms, and saving Princess Peach for 20 years now, and he’s had enough. Quite understandably, too. He spends all his time saving Lady Toadstool, but according to my source within her castle, who’s name may or may not rhyme with Poo, she never puts out, instead saving her energy for someone who’s name may or may not rhyme with Waluigi. A new video from Dorkly, via Kottke, imagines what it would look like if Mario snapped and just went metal on everyone. Axes are thrown, blood is shed, and turtles are smashed into eight bits. It’s the way every game — and the movie with Bob Hoskins — should have ended. You don’t want to see what happened to those poor Cheep-Cheeps.