A friend sent me a link to this story earlier with “Florida or Ohio” in the subject line. Too easy — I just knew it had to be Florida.
Reports the Smoking Gun:
The manager of Paddy Murphy’s, an Orlando eatery, summoned cops after he “was notified by several patrons that a couple was having sex on a table in view of minor children,” according to an Orlando Police Department report.
Tom Murphy told officers that he approached the couple early Monday evening and told them to stop. But the man, identified by cops as Jeremie Calo, responded, “She can’t get up at this time.” Calo, 32, was referring to his companion Tiffani Lynn Barganier.
But Calo and Barganier dodged charges related to their alleged public lewdness on Paddy Murphy’s patio. “The parents of the young children that observed Calo and Barganier having sex declined to write statements regarding their observations,” noted police. The report does not further detail why the witnesses opted not to provide statements.
We now wait for Ohio to respond by one of its residents having sex with a table, not on one. Oh, wait, it already happened in 2008.
Ohio police have arrested a man who was caught on tape allegedly having sex with a picnic table.
Art Price Jr., 40, of Bellevue, Ohio, was arrested after a neighbor videotaped him engaged sexually with the metal table, according to a report on FOX19.com.
Price was seen on four separate occasions, always between 10:30 a.m. and noon, having sex with the picnic table, Bellevue Police Capt. Matt Johnson told the TV station.
“The first video we had, he was completely nude,” Johnson said, noting the table in question had a hole in the middle intended to hold an umbrella.
Try harder, Florida.