Today is David Lee Roth's 58th birthday. Before we proceed, let us take a moment to spend some time with the David Lee Roth "Runnin' with the Devil" soundboard. That will never get old. HEYYYYYAHHHH.
Anyway, yes, today is Mr. Lee Roth's birthday, and to celebrate, we've put together a post on one of his favorite topics: babes from 1980s music videos. But not just any babes — the most IMPORTANT babes of the hard rock/glam metal scene, who appeared in videos by Van Halen, Ratt, Poison, and many more.
This is for you, David, and remember: WHOOOOOHOOOOOOO.
Actress: Lillian Müller
Song: "Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen
Role: Chemistry teacher
We begin with the crown jewel of 1980s music videos starring rocking rockers and buxom babes (and, um, Phil Hartman's voice). "Hot for Teacher" is everything that's right about Van Halen: the opening drum solo that sounds like a motorcycle, the lyrics about wanting to have sex with an authority figure, David Lee Roth screaming something about a pencil, Eddie Van Halen's table-top guitar playing, and of course, Lillian Müller, every lonely male teenager's imaginary replacement for Mr. Gerstein during sixth period. The Norway-born 1976 Playmate of the Year was also in the video for Rod Stewart's "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?" and her film roles include Mrs. Rodney C. Duckworth in Hometown USA, Stewardess in Miracle on Ice, and Beautiful Blonde in Stewardess School.
She now has a website that looks like this:
I really wish the soundtrack was a soft rock version of "Hot for Teacher."
Actress(es): Jeana Keough, Kymberly Herrin, and Daniele Arnaud
Song: "Legs" by ZZ Top
Role(s): The Eliminator Girls
These lovely ladies were actually in multiple ZZ Top music videos. There's "Legs," of course, but also "Sharp Dressed Man," "Gimme All Your Lovin'," and "Sleeping Bag." Keough is, like so many others on this list, was a Playmate of the Month (November 1980), who also has the sad distinction of being a "former cast member" of The Real Housewives of Orange County. Herrin was also a Playmate of the Month (March 1981), though she at least has the distinction of being the only person to appear in Romancing the Stone, Ghostbusters (as the creepy Dream Ghost), AND Road House. Meanwhile, as of 2005, Arnaud is a "licensing contract for client Lee Peterson with Gango at Gango Editions," according to her LinkedIn. BORING.
They were truly the Peter, Paul, and Mary of 1980s music video vixens.
Actress: Tawny Kitaen
Song: "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake
Role: Woman on car
NIP SLIP. Sorry. Been reading way too many YouTube comments. Do I really need to talk about Tawny Kitaen? As if you don't already know everything about her. She was the Beatles of her depraved scene, and eventually used her clout to get a job co-hosting America's Funniest People with Dave Coulier. Read all about her here.
Actress: Bobbie Brown
Song: "Once Bitten, Twice Sky" by Great White
It's a role she played superbly.
You can also see Brown's work in the video for Warrant's "Cherry Pie."
Actress: Lisa Dean
Song: "Round and Round" by Ratt
Role: Woman who goes crazy after hearing Ratt
"Round and Round" — which Song Meanings tells me is about living life in a circular fashion — is my favorite song on this list, and SO much better than the Ariel Pink track of the same name. If Ratt had chosen a name that wasn't RATT, I think they'd be spoken of in the same breath as Van Halen. But they were oddly proud of their moniker, and they played the vermin card hard. Lisa Dean, clearly, was a fan; she transforms from a polite dinner guest to a sex-craved spandex enthusiast in all of a single minute. Some may also recognize Dean as Dirty Diana in the Michael Jackson song of the same name. Sadly, the same year MJ died, so too did Dean, but she'll never be forgotten.
Actress: Annie Hubbard
Song: "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger
Role: Sister Christian
There's precious little information out there about the woman who plays Sister Christian, probably because she was made to look out a caricature of a porn star in the music video (good thing, too, because Night Ranger's drummer wrote the song about his sister). All we've got is:
The actress was Annie Hubbard from Cupertino, CA. The band was from her home town, and she was trying to become an actress. She moved to LA, and auditioned to be on General Hospital. She supported herself working as a hostess at the "Ritz Cafe" on Pico Blvd. in Beverly Hills, while living on Sunset Blvd. in the early/mid 80's. I know because I was her roommate and coworerkr for a year or so, she was such a beautiful, thoughtful, and loving girl. I am bummed that we lost touch over the years. (Via)
But her priceless exaggerated reaction shots remain.
Actress: Beth Toussaint
Song: "She Don't Know Me" by Bon Jovi
Role: The woman who don't know Jon Bon Jovi
Bon Jovi were never quite hard rock, but they were a part of the hair metal scene, so we're including them, if only to talk about Beth Toussaint, the woman who was like a rock in Bob Seger's "Like a Rock" video. Toussaint is a character actress, like her husband Jack Coleman (Noah from Heroes), who has appeared in Dallas, Star Trek: The Next Generation (as Ishara Yar, Tasha's sister), Scream 3, and most recently, The Young and the Restless. Her unintentionally hilarious Wikipedia fact is, "She is often mistaken for actress Linda Hamilton."
Actress: Susie Hatton
Song: "Fallen Angel" by Poison
Role: Starry-eyed suburbs girl with an eye towards the Big City
My favorite moment from any of the videos on this list — and maybe any video ever, with the exception of the Titanic part of "Oops!... I Did It Again" — is when Susie Hatton, after escaping her dreary home life for a garbage-filled existence in the city, kicks a dude in the nuts. To paraphrase, "Hot for Teacher" had heart, but this Poison video had a kick in the groin. Hatton may have gone on to date Bret Michaels, appear on Baywatch, and release an album called Body and Soul, but she peaked with "Fallen Angel." If only the rest of us were so lucky.