If Kathryn Bigelow loses Best Director…OH WAIT
If Tommy Lee Jones wins, loses, breathes, shows up, does anything
A Moonrise Kingdom #metaphor for…something
For when it’s time for Best Foreign Language Film, and people on Twitter have opinions
If any song other than “Skyfall” wins Best Original Song
For when you realize Scarlett Johansson sings Best Original Song nominee “Before My Time” from Chasing Ice
For when the following names are said at the motherf*cking Oscars: Kyle Chandler, Bryan Cranston, Chris Pratt.