‘Cause if you are, um, someone’s looking for you. (It’s best if, before you read what follows after the jump, you assume it’s all true and not just some guy getting his rocks off by posting fake m4w Craigslist ads about strangers taking a dump in his yard, which on the surface, seems unlikely, but it’s like my mom always told me…)
There I was, just yesterday, I can remember it so clearly. I woke up around 2 AM to take a nice fat leak when I noticed your squeeky giggle outside of my window. I looked out my window half naked as an odd mix of shock, disgust, pity and blush washed over me.
Not only were you a stunning redhead just a little shorter then me with, what looked like, a curtain and drapery matching combo, but you were also taking a dump and piss on my lawn at the same time. For that I have to give you props, I don’t think I’ve ever achieved that level of toilet mastery.
I immediately came out to see if you were alright or needed a ride home, seeing as this town isn’t exactly well suited for, what I’m guessing to be, an 18-21 drunk girl at 2 in the morning, but me coming out in a bathrobe and asking apparently scared you because you started running with a turd still sticking out of your ass and dove headfirst into my car, leaving a dent in it.
I told you to hold on as I was gonna shut off the car alarm and get you an ice pack but I’m not sure if you heard. What I am sure of though is that you sat on the trunk of my car smearing sh*t all over it, took off your shoes, left your half full smirnoff bottle and ran like hell.
Normally I wouldn’t let a girl sh*t all over my things and put a dent in my car until we’ve gotten on a first name basis but for you I think we could work it out. You know where I live. (Via)
If ever a post has deserved this GIF…
…it’s this one.
(via Getty Image) (Via Craigslist)