“Superfood” is all the rage, boosting health and extending life everyday. Of course that’s until the next fad diet rears it’s head, super foods become deadly and the public becomes enamored with something else. The latest addition to the super food library is the seguki turnip, a pickled treat that looks poised to impregnate you with an alien embryo. The benefit though is that the disgusting looking snack might cure the flu. From Mashable:
Published in Letters in Applied Microbiology, the study found that, when fed to mice, the Lactobacillus brevis bacteria in the suguki actually prevent the mice from contracting influenza. Although the bacteria hasn’t been tested on humans yet, researchers are currently working on a probiotic drink made from suguki, which will hopefully yield similar results.
The bacteria, which is protected from stomach acid by a particularly bad-ass exoskeleton of sugar molecules, basically puts the immune system into overdrive, and helps boost the production of flu-specific antibodies. The researchers hope that they could use the suguki to protect against the newest, deadly flu virus emerging out of China.
God dammit, science. It’s hard enough living through the bombardment of gluten free, low-fat, sugarless alternatives to real food. What you’re doing here is just a cruel joke. Of course the alternative is untimely death and crippling sickness, but who’s to say that’s not exactly what would happen when a human being sucks the guts out of this wretched looking growth. All we need is a bunch of flu resistant monsters running around mutating after eating a tainted turnip. Give me Captain Trips.