Sir Patrick Stewart recently joined the fine How To Do Everything podcast to help a listener with a very specific question: How would a person (imitating a cow, presumably) moo in a British accent? The caller felt restricted by her own mooing, which she said was in a standard American-Nevadan accent, and was looking to expand her mooing repertoire. Very relatable stuff.
Called upon by the hosts for his expertise in all things England, Sir Patrick Stewart was more than happy to explain — in great detail — and demonstrate the complex regional dialects of British cows. Because he’s the greatest.
“It’s not a straight-forward, simple answer unlike, probably, many other country where a cow’s moo is a cow’s moo. In England, you understand, we are dominated by class, by social status, and by location. So, for example, a cow that is in the field next to my house in West Oxfordshire would moo in one kind of way, and a cow in a field in the semi-industrial town I grew up in in the North of England would moo in another kind of way.
Well, if I were at home in West Oxfordshire right now and I walked down my lane and there were all these cows and I say, ‘Hi, good morning, cows. And they would moo at me like this: ‘Mooooooouhh.’ Now that’s a very conservative moo…”
Things only got more entertaining from there, as Sir Pat demonstrated several more bovine dialects, factoring in political, environmental, and cultural conditioning. And, clearly, the transcript doesn’t do the hilarity of Sir Patrick Stewart mooing justice, so you should just listen to the short segment in its entirety below. You’re going to want to stick around for the Cockney moo.