A 24-year-old junior doctor from New Zealand survived a shark attack this week after fighting one off with a knife while he and some friends were out spearfishing. This is already a really good story, but, like, can we maybe make it sound little more New Zealand/Australia? I mean, our last story from that region was about a pig that drank 18 stolen beers and got in a fight with a cow. This one has a lot to live up to. Let’s start at the beginning: What did he think when the shark bit him?
“[I thought] bugger, now I have to try and get this thing off my leg.”
Not bad, not bad. But we can do better, I know it. Like, what did his friends say when he told them he got bit by a shark?
“I thought surely he hasn’t been bitten, there’s no way he has been bitten, he’s got to be taking the piss,” Mackley Lindsay said.
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Then what happened.
His friends carried on fishing while Dr Grant tacked the wounds together with a needle and thread from his first-aid kit for his pig-hunting dogs.
“Nah, go on fishing. I’ll just stitch up the shark bite — from the shark that literally just attacked me — with the First-Aid supplies for my pig-hunting dogs. No worries.”
This could not possibly get more New Zealand/Australia. Wait… could it?
The group then went to the Colac Bay Tavern, where he was given a bandage because he was dripping blood on the floor.
Yup. There it is. I knew you rascals wouldn’t disappoint me.
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