Cheating death for another year and making it to the next birthday is always worthy of acknowledgment, but I’d imagine it’s a little bit sweeter for Johnny Knoxville. The man has been treating his body as a punching bag in nearly every way possible and at 43-years-old still has the ability to walk. And to that I say kudos.
In celebration of Johnny Knoxville’s triumph over death, I’ve lined up a list of his most jackass of Jackass stunts, each with a “scientific” rating on the jackass scale. Because taking a stun gun to the nuts is exactly the sort of accomplishment worth recognizing.
Happy birthday, Johnny Knoxville, may your testicles remain intact for another 365 days.
#7: Rocket Skates
Starting with something on the lighter side, strapping bottle rockets to a pair of roller-blades might not be the most dangerous thing in the world, but it is completely hilarious in a Wyle E. Coyote sort of way. Score: 5.5
#6: Self Defense
Taking a bath in pepper spray and taser shot to the chest won’t kill you, but anything that gives you “gonorrhea of the eyes” is going to ruin your afternoon. Score: 6.3
#5: Human BBQ
Flame retardant suit or not, if the Jackass crew invites you to a Memorial Day cookout, consider going with extreme caution. Then most definitely do go. Score: 7.5
#4: Johnny Knoxville vs. Butterbean
Okay, now we’re getting into serious bodily harm territory. According to Butterbean’s Wikipedia page, he’s 5’11 and 420 pounds, Knoxville is maybe 170. Props to Johnny Knoxville for going through with the stunt. Personally, I’d rather take 10 stun gun hits than a right hook from Bean. Score: 8.5
#3: Johnny Knoxville Breaks His D*ck
You know this stunt isn’t going to end well when Knoxville’s first attempt to even ride the bike results in him falling over. The lesson here, kids: if the activity has the potential to break your d*ck, stay inside and play some video games instead. Score: 9
#2: Bull Stupid
This may be both the bravest and stupidest thing that a person has ever done on video. Those few seconds where Knoxville lights his cigarette must have been filled with sheer terror. Score: 10
#1: Johnny Shoots Himself In The Chest
I remember listening to Knoxville talk about this stunt on Marc Maron’s podcast a few months ago. Pre-Jackass, Johnny Knoxville was just a guy in Knoxville, Tennessee who contacted Jeff Tremaine, then-editor of skateboarding magazine Big Brother about doing some stunts for the magazine. As Knoxville describes it, expenses were spared:
“That was a ‘Big Brother’ video, like, over 13, 14 years ago. I shot myself in the chest with a bulletproof vest. I had a .38. I was really hoping the vest worked, because I didn’t have any money at the time, and I could only afford the cheapest vest possible.”
Jackass ranking: 10
I want more like this!
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