Last year, millions of people* across the globe** were outraged when Walle, a beagle-basset hound mix, was named the big winner at the World’s Ugliest Dog competition in Petaluma, California. Walle, as it turns out, was almost the exact opposite of “ugly” because I wanted to scoop him up and snuggle him until he fell to adorable widdle pieces, while there were other dogs in the competition that should have been eligible for my new TLC series, Puppy Plastic Surgeons. Alas, we need not worry this year, fellow dog contest aficionados, because the judges got this one right. Almost too right, if you ask me.
That pooch in the banner pic is this year’s champion, Peanut, and he’s a 2-year old mutt (presumably a Chihuahua and Shih Tzu mix) from North Carolina. Clearly, Peanut is incredibly deserving of his new title, and having followed this competition for several years now, he really gives the annual contending powerhouses known as Chinese crested Chihuahua mixes a run for their money. But before we all point and laugh at this dog from Mars, we should know that Peanut’s exterior is merely a shell for a new spokespooch that will help raise awareness for a serious cause.
According to the Associated Press, Peanut’s mommy, Holly Chandler, is going to use the $1,500 prize to pay for the vet bills of other animals, as her beloved Peanut only looks this way – well, at least partially – because he was badly burned as a puppy. I’m not kidding when I say that I wish Marvel’s Punisher was real and he went around seeking vengeance on people who burn puppies. But Chandler and Peanut seek education instead of vengeance, and they will use his title to help raise awareness for animal abuse. So take a good, long look at today’s newest hero, America:
So what kind of competition was Peanut up against anyway? Obviously, he would have been a frontrunner from the start with that Barking Dead look of his, but I’m willing to bet that he had some decent rivals in this year’s field. Take Quasi Modo, for instance, whose owner claimed that his back is too short for his body.
Any other year, Quasi Modo is an instant contender. What about those Chinese crested dogs, though? They’re the Alabama Crimson Tide of the World’s Ugliest Dog competition. Josie and her tongue probably had 2:1 odds going into Friday.
But the Chinese crested alone is not as powerful as the always-horrifying crested-Chihuahua mix, like SweePee Rambo here, which is basically the Seattle Seahawks of the hideous dog business.
As for last year’s champion, Walle, I’ll let you all be the judges once again as to whether or not this dog even belonged in the same room with the so-called ugly dogs. I say hell no.
** On my couch