True story, I had just finished writing up the dumbest burglar ever story — in which I made the following Goldilocks crack, stating: “The only way this guy could have made it easier for himself to get caught is if he ate all of the homeowner’s porridge and then fell asleep in his bed” — when not ten minutes later I came across a headline about the “Real-Life Goldilocks Accused Of Burglary, Theft.” Because as it turns out, I am the Haley Joel Osment of stupid criminal stories.
At any rate, Chancy Layton, 19, of St. Augustine, Florida, was charged burglary and criminal mischief after breaking into a couple’s home and taking a shower, eating their food and then falling asleep on the couch, before being discovered when the couple arrived home early Saturday morning.
“Not what I expected to see when I walked into my house. We just stood there a bit, looking at each other, like, ‘What do we do?’” Cheryl Petocz said. “There was lots of bottles of wine that she drank. She was clearly not in a clear state. I told her I was calling police. As soon as I said that, she grabbed few things and ran out the house, out the back door.”
Layton didn’t leave a business card or signed photograph at the scene, but she did leave her passport, making it easy for police to track her down. It just goes to show: No matter how dumb a criminal is, there will always be someone out there to dethrone them.