You could have tweeted literally anything around 5:30 p.m. EST yesterday, and no one would have noticed. Have something against the Jews you’ve been meaning to get off your chest? Well, you missed your chance, because the afternoon and evening of July 1, 2014, belonged to Public Enemy fan Tim Howard, the hero America needs right now (he can bring back Happy Endings, right?). The man can seemingly do no wrong. Hell, even his high school yearbook quote is perfect.
Howard won’t be able to buy a beer for himself in AMURCAH for years, which is especially amazing because WE LOST. Not that it was his fault — he was about as great as he could be, and if I ever see Howard on the street, I’m going to give all the orange wedges I have on me. But that’s just my present. Here are the Internet’s.