Comedian Owen Weber did this impression of what he considers to be “every maid of honor speech, ever” — and no disrespect to the guy or anything, and maybe it’s just because I happen to have cool friends, but: No. I literally even have a younger sister named Beth who is my only sister and was my maid of honor, and from what I remember of her speech — to my absolute horror — she told everyone about how when I was five years old I tried to put a plastic bag over her head and suffocate her as a baby. Good times!
Anyway, if there’s any ladies out there getting married who are worried about this sort of dumb thing happening to them, might I point you in the direction of the Craigslist “Bridesmaid for Hire.” Sure, she might charge a bit more for speech writing, but if this is your alternative then I can pretty much assure you it’s worth it.
(Via Tastefully Offensive)